While You Were Gone
by Ara Hannan
Summary: How do you fit someone back into your life when you thought they were gone forever? All Tadashi knows is that he went into a burning building to help someone and that he got hurt - so how are they supposed to tell him everything else? Set after the events of the BH6 movie.
1. Chapter 1

**While You Were Gone**

_Author's Notes: Sorry Tadashi. Sometimes being alive is tougher._

_Updates are likely to be slow - my apologies. _

Disclaimer: All familiar characters, events, settings, etc. belong to Disney/Marvel.

He wakes up to a vague and hazy half-world: lights come into focus, and there's an almost artificial silence around him, broken only with beeps and clicks. At the same time, he begins to notice a wealth of discomfort: irritation in his chest and throat, a plugged feeling in his nose, itching and a prickly pain spreading over his body...

Hospital. He must be in the hospital.

"Hey, welcome back," a calm voice says, and there's a shuffle of feet before an older woman leans into his field of vision. He closes his eyes for a moment, but she's still there when he opens them again. "Are you gonna stay awake this time?" Beeping from somewhere in the room increases, and she glances away and back again, staring at him. Her next words are straight-forward and demand a response. "Are you in pain?"

_It's a nurse_, he thinks. No, there's pain but it's...it's not unbearable. He tries saying no, but he's not sure if he's accomplished it - he doesn't hear himself reply. He needs to get his bearings, figure out exactly what's happened, how he's ended up here…

The room seems small, and something's wrong with the windows because they're dark - or maybe it's nighttime? That's right...it's nighttime. The fire! How long has he been out? What about everyone else? Is everyone else okay?

"You had an accident," the nurse says, cutting into his thoughts and bringing them to a focus. _This is important_, he tells himself, but it's hard not to let his mind drift back into whatever dark and silent place it was in before. It feels like being in 8 AM lecture after pulling an all-nighter - so vital to stay awake and yet...why? Maybe he can gets notes from someone else...

"You've had a lot of sleepy meds running in you," the nurse comments, and she sounds a little bit frustrated, maybe amused. _You're at the hospital, not lecture! Get it together, _he scolds himself. _Stay awake! You won't know anything unless you stay awake! _

The nurse peers down at him and seems to think it's worth trying again. "You've had an accident and you're at Koseki University Hospital," she says. "On the burn trauma unit."

What did he burn? How bad is it? He can't see or move well enough to take inventory, and there's pain but it's still inexplicably detached, and it's everywhere but not really anywhere in particular...

But the nurse doesn't tell him what he's burned. Instead she gestures towards her neck. "You were having a hard time breathing, so you have a tube in your throat to help you. You can't talk right now, but I have some questions for you."

That makes sense - there was a lot of smoke. A lot of smoke...he doesn't remember anything worse than coughing though. When did everything else happen? But okay...okay...where's the intubation tube? He can't feel anything between his teeth...

"You have a trach," the nurse explains, seeming to pick up on his confusion. She pats the front of her own neck. "The tube is here."

A tracheostomy? That's what it's called, right? Why a trach? It's not painful, but...why a trach? A trach is...is not good. How bad is everything? It must be bad, very bad...

"You're okay," the nurse's words cut in again, and this time she places a hand on the front of his shoulder. He tries to look at it but sees large blue plastic tubing instead - ventilator tubing. But that's less concerning...of course he's on a ventilator if he was having a hard time breathing…and he doesn't have any sensation of it fighting with his body...but seriously, why did they put in a trach?

"You're okay," the nurse repeats firmly, her lips pressed into a grim smile. "You're going to be okay. They'll take the tube out when you're doing a little better." She presses her hand against his shoulder a little more. It doesn't hurt...he must be okay there. She smiles again and takes a deep breath. "Now remember, I had a couple questions for you, okay?"

He manages to nod, or he thinks he nods, but his head feels heavy.

"Try to answer the questions, and then you can sleep some more," the nurse continues. There's a pleading note in her voice - she wants this information. "Can you tell me what your name is?"

Name? Oh...oh. She wants to see if he's oriented - if he knows who he is and what time it is and where he is. He tries to say his name, but no sound comes out - there's the tube. Can she lipread? Is it that important? He knows who he is...and it's harder to stay focused when they're talking about things he already knows...

"One more time," she encourages him, patting his shoulder again. She frowns, but says it back and he nods. Close enough. "Just once more," she repeats her request, and after that she seems satisfied. She doesn't even bother to ask the time and place questions, doesn't try to pull his attention back when he lets his eyes slide closed. It's nighttime, he knows, and he's at the hospital. The woman is a nurse, and he's Tadashi Hamada.


	2. Chapter 2

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 2**

The cafe is a flurry of activity: the posh career ladies drinking mochas at a back table, the preschool moms trying to get their kids away from other people's food, the steady flow of college kids dropping in for smoothies and sandwiches. The activity is good, Cass thinks as she carries a fresh pie to the counter. She needs it, especially with Hiro in school.

"Orange?" the elderly man paying at the register asks. He sighs and raises his eyebrows at the perfectly browned meringue puffs. She's done good this time, and wrinkly old Mr. Asa knows it. "You know I can't pass up a slice of your orange meringue."

"Why do you think I brought it out now?" Cass asks, grinning and already reaching for the pie server. "You want to add a takeaway to your order?" Of course he does! Old people love pie.

She seals up a box of the fluffy, gooey goodness and hands it over to the kid at the register to ring up, then peers up the the two guys waiting at the dessert case. "You want me to slice you a piece while I have this out?" she asks, trying to fight the temptation to suck a glob of orange gel off the side her thumb. "It's not gonna last long."

"It definitely looks good," says one of the men, but Cass gets the impression that he doesn't want a piece of pie, or anything else in the dessert case for that matter. He smoothes his jacket lapel and sticks out his hand. "Cass Hamada? Kirk Miller, county coroner. Could we possibly have a word, maybe somewhere a little quieter?"

Coroner? She feels a little bit sick, because she can't really think of any good reasons for the coroner to visit. "Sure," Cass nods, not really sure what to do. She hands her pie server to Register Boy and wipes her fingers on her apron. "We can talk in the back."

She leads them outside to her patio set, while the other man introduces himself as a police chaplain. "Ms. Hamada," the coroner - Mr. Miller, right? Or is it Dr. Miller? - says. "Our office took a call from Koseki University Hospital last night."

Okay...but what does this have to do with her? She doesn't even know where Koseki Hospital is.

Miller rubs a spot behind his ear, slightly uncomfortable. "I'm not really sure how to explain this to you," he starts, then pauses, seeming to debate what to tell her. Cass can't decide whether she wants to tell him to just spit it out or to forget about telling her anything at all. He draws in a deep breath and meets her eyes again. "Ms. Hamada, they think they've got your nephew over there."

"What?" Cass feels the word drop out of her mouth. The dots aren't connecting. She saw Hiro this morning - hugged him good-bye. And if they're talking about Tadashi...well, he's..he's…

"Tadashi," the chaplain says quietly, looking at her steadily. He's got his hands folded, resting on top of the table. "I know this seems confusing, but…"

She shouldn't have to tell them that Tadashi died.

"Ms. Hamada, I can't explain everything yet, but I can tell you that your nephew got confused with somebody else. The office has got some people trying to sort that out," Miller says, no longer tentative. "I went to the hospital, and this morning I checked your nephew's dental records. You've got one sick boy over there, but he's very much alive. I wouldn't come over here unless I was sure."

* * *

><p>They offer to drive her, and it's an agonizing trip to the other side of the city. It doesn't help that she's pretty sure she's left macarons in the oven and forgotten to tell her staff when to take them out.<p>

That night from so many weeks ago plays over and over in her head. The call from a random EMT, asking her to come and get Hiro. Driving back onto campus and finding the place in utter chaos, a campus police car blocking the way to the main parking lot and the expo hall in flames.

"_He went inside!" Hiro sputters, trying to wipe at his face with his fingers and then his sweatshirt sleeves. He's clutching that stupid Ninjas hat that Tadashi wears everywhere. He stares at her, waiting for her to do something, but in those first few seconds all she can do is stare back at him and at that building._

"_They think they've located your nephew," one of the firemen says. He can't seem to decide whether to look at her or the building, which is a combination of dying flames and water jets and thick, billowing smoke. She remembers his hand on her arm, the uneasy look in his eyes. "They're gonna do their best, but…"_

Cass draws in a deep breath. She remembers the short-lived relief she felt when the yelling started, when a mass of people started running a stretcher up to the ambulances, when one of the bulky vehicles hastily pulled out, lights flashing. The commotion meant he was alive. You don't rush for dead people.

But that relief shrivelled up as soon as the doctor walked into the family waiting room at the hospital. It didn't take words. One slight shake of that woman's head was enough, before she could even say, "I'm sorry…"

"_It's often hard to recognize people who've been badly burned," they say at the hospital. She stares for a moment, horrified but wanting to find whatever scraps of Tadashi are left in the body. There are none. None. She turns away and they've covered him up by the time she works up the courage to look again. _

Is it really possible that he was never in that body to begin with?

* * *

><p>The next time Tadashi wakes up, his room is bright. He feels more alert: the pain isn't so detached anymore, but it's still tolerable. The sounds in the room make sense: when he glances to one side he can see an IV pump and...is that tube feeding? Yeah...that would explain the odd feeling in his nose: they've probably stuck a feeding tube in there. He tries to reach over and check to make sure, but there's another realization: his entire right arm is stretched out and splinted. He checks his left arm: not splinted, but it's bandaged. He can move it a little, but it's heavy and his fingers are stiff. Moving hurts...maybe it's better not to do that for the time being.<p>

"Hey Baby."

Someone interrupts his assessment, and it's the best interruption - because it's Aunt Cass, and she's smiling and leaning over the bed rail. There's an unexplainable sensation of relief at seeing her - Aunt Cass is going to know what's going on. She's going to take care of things.

"I wanna hug you so bad," she announces, and her eyes are glossy with tears as she wraps her arms around herself instead. Poor Aunt Cass...she really can't contain herself. Tadashi feels himself smiling, remembering countless times caught in her enthusiastic embrace. He suddenly misses that intensely - wants to be that close to another person for just a little while. Is he really hurt so badly that Aunt Cass doesn't think she should hug him?

It's starting to get upsetting, but she leans close enough to press her hands to both sides of his face. "I'm gonna hug the living daylights out of you when you're better," she promises, pulling on one of his ears just a little. It smarts, but he can feel the pain of a laugh in his chest as Aunt Cass smiles again. "You'll be lucky if I ever let you go after this."


	3. Chapter 3

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 3**

A/N: Thanks for the follows and reviews! It's been fun hearing what you guys think. Good luck to those of you who have finals. Not sure when the next update will be - I have stuff written, but work is busy & I have travel coming up.

* * *

><p>Tadashi doesn't stay awake for long: he tries to ask questions, but Cass can't make out most of what he's trying to say, and he seems to decide that it's not worth the work of repeating himself. The only question she does understand is <em>Hiro?<em> and it's a fairly easy one to answer: Hiro is fine. He's at school. He'll visit later.

After she tells him, of course - and how in the world is she supposed to do that? Cass reaches for her phone, but there's no response to the messages she's sent him. He's probably still in class, and getting Hiro to check his phone is a struggle most of the time anyway.

She's had to tell him - both of them - so many difficult things already. Things that should be spread out over a lot more years, that seriously should be spread out over a lot more people. It wasn't very long ago that she was crying with Hiro in a different hospital, and she's never going to forget the day she had to pick up a completely clueless Tadashi from elementary school.

She turns her attention back to her older nephew. There's a lot they need to tell him too. How are you supposed to tell someone that they've been unconscious for ten weeks? That life has changed a lot since they were last awake?

* * *

><p>Ugh, Aunt Cass. Hiro scrolls through his messages and there are three texts from her: "let me know when u get this," "i need 2 talk 2 u," and "CALL ME." Did Baymax say something he wasn't supposed to? Nah...he should be crammed into his luggage right now. She probably just wants him to get milk on the way home. Or cat food. Mochi is such a huge pig.<p>

"sorry, had class" he texts back, shouldering his backpack and heading out of the lecture hall. The vending machine is calling his name - hopefully they've restocked that thing. There's no way he can eat one of their disgusting oatmeal bars again.

His phone starts vibrating and he digs it out. Cat food is not that important! "Hi, Aunt Cass," he greets her, trying to balance the phone between his ear and shoulder so that he can find a dollar for the vending machine. No gummy bears, but there are BBQ chips!

"I've been trying to reach you all afternoon!" Aunt Cass says, not even bothering to say hello. Well okaaaaay. She sounds strange over the phone, and Hiro can't decide if she's annoyed or upset or what. "Something happened today. Do you have any more classes?"

"Just lab, but then I was going to do some stuff with people." Great, she probably needs him to help at the cafe. And why won't the machine take his dollar?! Hiro smoothes out the corners and tries to feed it in again. Seriously, these things should just take cash cards.

"I want you to come and meet me at the hospital as soon as your lab is finished," Aunt Cass instructs him.

"I'm supposed to get burritos..." Hiro protests, irritated as the machine spits out his dollar yet again. "Wait, did you say hospital? Are you sick?"

"No," Aunt Cass responds, thankfully. She's not supposed to get sick. "I'll get you something to eat here. It's Koseki hospital, okay? Call me and I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Yeah, but what's wrong?" Hiro stuffs his rejected money into his pocket. Chips maybe aren't so important. If Aunt Cass isn't sick, then why does she want him to go to the hospital? She hasn't booked him a doctor's appointment, has she? "I don't have to do that allergy test thing, do I? I don't need that."

"Hiro, please. Just go to your lab and then come here." Aunt Cass sounds like she's running out of patience. Probably not a good idea to push it...

"Okay, fine," Hiro agrees. Great, something's up. And he's going to miss out on burritos.

* * *

><p>Hiro knows that something is seriously wrong when Aunt Cass buys him a Coke. She doesn't sell Coke at her cafe - <em>it's bad for you and rots your teeth! <em>Yeah, like filling people with sugary desserts is any better. He tries to watch her as he twists off the cap, but the thing won't come free and he has to look down instead.

"Straw?" Aunt Cass asks, holding one up when he lifts his head.

"Thanks," Hiro says, tentatively accepting it. He plunges the straw into the bottle and takes a sip - now what? She's dragged him down to the cafeteria - which still smells like hospital - but she hasn't dropped any hints as to why they're even here.

Aunt Cass just watches him for a long moment, like she's deciding what she wants to say. "Hiro," she starts, tapping her fingers against her lemonade. "There was...well, a big mess the night of Tadashi's accident."

"It wasn't an accident," Hiro spits out, shoving his Coke to the side. Why's Aunt Cass want to talk about this now? Why here? He was having a good day too...if she wants to talk about Tadashi, can't they just swap nice stories or something instead?

She doesn't try to argue with him about whether or not it was an accident. Instead she reaches her hands across the table, trying to cover his. Hiro stuffs them into his hoodie pockets instead. This conversation needs to be over. Soon.

But the talk doesn't end - it's just on pause while Aunt Cass thinks over how best to drop the bomb.

Tadashi isn't dead.

* * *

><p>The room she brings him to has a window that faces the hallway: all the patient rooms in this part of the hospital do. Hiro supposes it's so that the nurses can keep a close eye on them - you know, make sure they're alive and stuff. This is where he parks himself, on the outside looking in.<p>

Aunt Cass says the it's Tadashi on the other side.

She's answered all the questions he asked to protect himself from false hopes: The police and hospitals are still trying to figure out what happened, but they do know that there were two people who arrived at Sanfransokyo General with burn injuries around the same time. They're not sure how the mix-up happened. Tadashi couldn't tell them anything because he was already unconscious and then they had to put him into a drug-induced coma. They didn't recognize his face because he burned it.

"Oh," he had responded to that answer, and he didn't ask anymore questions before she brought him here. He doesn't like the thought of Tadashi getting burned and being unrecognizable. He peers through the window now: there's a nurse or someone in there messing with machines and talking to the guy in the bed. There are a lot of bandages and tubes. Way too many.

Aunt Cass says they haven't told this Tadashi very much yet: he doesn't know anything about Callaghan setting the fire or stealing the microbots or anything. He doesn't know that they thought he was dead. He doesn't even know that they haven't been visiting him at the hospital.

If this is Tadashi, all he knows is that he ran into a building to help someone and that he got hurt.

Hiro strains to see the person's face, but all he can see are tubes and a bad haircut. Tadashi might have been a major nerd, but his haircut was okay.

"Do you want to go in and say hi?" Hiro suddenly feels Aunt Cass's hands on his shoulders, and she tries to catch his eye.

"Are you sure that's him?" Hiro asks, gesturing towards the person inside.

Aunt Cas relaxes enough so that she's hugging him from behind. "It's Tadashi," she answers. "I'm sure."

But something is telling him that he shouldn't believe her, not yet - he's had too many unusual and bad things happen to him to just accept this. So he shields himself with another question. "Why's his hair so bad?"

Aunt Cass looks as though he's just asked the most ridiculous question ever. "Are you serious?" she asks, and she looks like she's going to continue, but instead her expression softens and her shoulders drop. "I don't know. He probably singed it off."

Well that makes sense, at least.

She gives him a push towards the door. "Come on. He was asking about you."

* * *

><p>Tadashi figures all his medication must be wearing off because everything is sharper: the details of the hospital room, the soreness in different parts of his body, the desire to move despite feeling exhausted. He can follow the nurse's conversation without a lot of extra effort: she's been going on about teaching her kid how to drive for the last few minutes, but his mind easily drifts to other things.<p>

They say he's been out for ten weeks.

He wants to think they've been kidding him, but he's too tired to rationalize his way out of it. It feels like it's been two or three days at most. Wasn't he just at the showcase with Hiro? The fire wasn't really ten weeks ago, was it?

But maybe they're right, because Aunt Cass is sliding the door open and Hiro's with her and he's wearing an SFIT hoodie that Tadashi doesn't remember him owning.

Hiro lingers near the door. What's up with that? Tadashi wishes he had his voice so that he could just tell his brother to come closer. He moves his un-splinted arm, but he can't really even smack the bed to get the message across. Unbelievable. He wakes up after ten weeks in a coma and Hiro isn't even happy about it.

But then Hiro makes his way over and grips the side rail. He looks like he can't decide whether to talk or cry or smile or what. "Does this go down?" he finally asks, his voice catching as he presses down on the side rail.

"Sure," the nurse says. She steps over and lowers it. Hiro immediately drops into the visitor chair and buries his face in his arms on the empty part of the mattress.

"He's just a little overwhelmed," Aunt Cass says awkwardly, nudging Hiro's shoulder. It's strange, Tadashi thinks. Hiro gets upset and angry, but he doesn't cry easily. Why isn't his kid brother excited or relieved like everyone else? Honestly, Hiro should have a million smart-ass comments saved up for this reunion.

Hiro chooses this moment to look up. "Don't ever do that again!" he says forcefully. He doesn't say_you scared me_ but that's the message Tadashi gets loud and clear.

It's like being hit in the chest with a brick of guilt. _I'm sorry_, he thinks, mouths, tries to say. And maybe Hiro gets his message, because he doesn't follow the same rules as everyone else: the hug is crappy, one-sided, and careful, but it's a hug all the same.


	4. Chapter 4

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 4**

A/N: Happy Christmas! Thanks again for your kind reviews, favorites, and follows. :)

* * *

><p>It is Tadashi.<p>

So many things swim together in Hiro's brain: Tadashi is alive, but he's like this. He wouldn't be like this if he hadn't gone into that building...if Callaghan hadn't started the fire...if Krei had stricter safety protocols... But Mr. Krei is fine and Callaghan's daughter is fine and Tadashi is _not fine_… Callaghan didn't even deserve to have Tadashi help him! Why does Tadashi always have to help everyone? Why did he have to do something so _stupid_? For someone so messed up? And now he's hurt, really bad...

But he's alive.

Hiro pushes himself up and scoots the visitor chair closer to Tadashi's bed. His face doesn't look that bad: it's discolored and pink in some places, and there's some kind of gooey bandage on part of his jaw and neck - but he looks like Tadashi, even with his crappy hair and the tube taped in his nose.

Seriously, is this hospital full of idiots? Aunt Cass said they didn't recognize him, but they should have been able to. That would have made things so, _so_ much easier. Hiro takes a deep breath, still looking at his brother. The pain of the last two and a half months isn't suddenly gone. Something still hurts.

But this is real, Hiro reminds himself again. Baymax was right the whole time: Tadashi is here.

* * *

><p>Any deep thoughts Hiro has are interrupted when a new nurse walks in. "Hey!" she greets them, all over-the-top friendly-like. She makes herself at home, dropping her clipboard down and walking over to the IV pole and all its machines. She's brought a plastic jug with her into the room and Hiro watches as she shakes it, glancing between Aunt Cass and him. "You must be Tadashi's family," she decides, stumbling over Tadashi's name a little bit - and Hiro remembers: the hospital people didn't know his name until recently. "I'm Nicky, the night nurse."<p>

"I'm his aunt," Aunt Cass introduces herself, scrambling up from her chair and shaking the nurse's hand. She nods over at Hiro. "And this is Hiro, Tadashi's younger brother."

"Hi," Hiro says, since he figures he's supposed to say something.

"Nice to met you," the nurse responds before looking at Tadashi. "Good to see you awake, bud," she says to him, as though they're old friends or something. Tadashi just looks confused._ Obviously_, Hiro thinks. Even if these hospital people think they know Tadashi, it's not like he's going to remember them. The nurse gives his brother a grim smile. "Still kind of loopy, huh?"

This Nicky person starts pouring the contents of her plastic jug into one of the bags on Tadashi's IV pole, turning her attention back to Aunt Cass again. "I have meds for him, and then we usually do his dressing change right away. Is that going to be okay?"

"Yeah, do whatever you need to do," Aunt Cass answers, but she seems kind of jumpy. She starts searching around her chair, probably for her purse. "Let's get something to eat, Hiro. I think there's McDonalds or something downstairs..."

"Actually, it would probably be good for you to stay," the nurse says to Aunt Cass. She's disconnected the end of Tadashi's feeding tube from whatever it was attached to and has started squirting a syringe full of water into it. Weird, weird, weird. It's too bad Baymax isn't here to explain all this stuff. The nurse looks at Hiro, raising her eyebrows. "Maybe you can bring something back for her."

He's not supposed to stay. Hiro stares back, not sure how to respond. Tadashi is _his_ brother. He just got here, and now they want him to leave? He glances back to Tadashi and all the bandages and tubes and machines. They want him to go out because they're going to change the bandages. Maybe...maybe that's not such a bad thing...except, but...

"Just get me some kind of salad or something." Aunt Cass makes the decision for him. She holds out several bills, waiting for him to take them before rubbing his shoulder. "He'll still be here when you get back."

* * *

><p>When the nurse starts rolling the bandage off Tadashi's left arm he tries to pay close attention. "This arm is looking really good," she says, partly to him and partly to Aunt Cass. Really? Then why are they still keeping a bandage on it? How long does it take a burn to heal anyway? They never told him any of that in first aid class. Just <em>remove the source of the burn<em>. _Call 911_. _Check if the scene is safe._

Failed that one, but he had a good reason, right? Would the Red Cross instructor agree that he made the right decision?

_Stop, drop, and roll._

Did he fail that one too? He should be able to remember this, but it's all just smoke and heat and the sprinkler system and...

"There we go." The nurse interrupts his spiraling thoughts, setting the bandage aside and supporting his wrist and elbow. "Let's have a look, okay?"

It must have been a bad burn.

The skin has healed, sort of. It's not open or bleeding or painful. But it's red and uneven and scabby in places. It doesn't look like his arm.

"...and this over here is a graft," the nurse explains, showing Aunt Cass a section of his arm that he can't really see. Does she mean a skin graft? So they had to do a skin graft on his arm? Ugh, the nurse has probably explained more and he just hasn't been paying attention. She's not likely to repeat whatever she said.

Instead she addresses Aunt Cass again, telling her that they just did more skin grafts on his _other_ arm and that's why it's in a splint. Oh yeah...the splint. So it's not broken then. What's the rationale for splinting something after a skin graft anyway? They must have some good reason for it. Another thing to figure out later...

The nurse starts rubbing lotion over his hand, pressing hard between his fingers and around his wrist. It's like...like that time he let Wasabi talk him into going for foot reflexology. It _hurts_: not a fierce, make-it-stop sort of pain, but a firm pressure that makes him want to pull away so that it's not so deep.

"Sorry," the nurse apologizes, pausing for a split second before continuing. She doesn't stop, and Tadashi rides it out: this is the sort of pain that can be endured. She says something to Aunt Cass about scar massage and joints, and moves on to his elbow.

It gets duller after a while. It's not really that important to keep paying attention, is it? They're going to do this again, and probably again and again after that. Think happy thoughts instead - distraction is supposed to be good for things like this. Hiro got into college, right? That's a happy thought. They can hang out in the lab together. Maybe Honey will bring brownies. Ha, and Fred will make the same dumb joke about _special_ brownies that he always makes...Hiro doesn't need to know what that means...it's stupid anyway. Good plan. Happy thoughts now, figuring out everything else later...

* * *

><p>Cass notices when Tadashi checks out: he stops watching what the nurse is doing and closes his eyes instead. "He probably still has some drugs in his system, plus I gave him pain medicine," the nurse explains evenly. She finishes Tadashi's arm and loosens his hospital gown. It's not just his arms: his chest is a mess. Sections of his back and lower half. A good portion of his body is a conglomeration of burns that have healed on their own, and burns that needed skin grafts, and skin that was healthy but that had to be used for grafts...<p>

The nurse explains everything as she goes. She's incredibly calm, Cass decides. _See how there's this band of tissue along the graft? That's a contracture. It should get better if we massage it a few times a day. _She steps around the bed with her tub of lotion, never seeming to get tired of the work. _Hopefully we can get him off the vent soon - they've had him on a trial, so it only breathes for him if he doesn't do it himself. He's been doing pretty good. _

Oh, Tadashi.

If this is pretty good, then Cass hates to even imagine what he was like earlier. It's like having her heart dug out with a spoon every time they tell her something more: his lungs were a disaster. He's had multiple surgeries for the burns and been treated for infections and pneumonia. They've tried getting him off of sedation and the ventilator several times before, always held up with another complication. And she hasn't been here for any of it...she hardly even understands any of it.

"I'm really glad you're here," Night Nurse Nicky says, grinning while she shows Cass how to hold up Tadashi's foot so that she can re-wrap his leg. She goes about her work, smiling again. "We've all been trying to take good care of him, but it's not like having family around. It's just good you're here now."

* * *

><p>Hiro sucks down his second Coke of the day and heads back to the Burn Center. He's stalled...he can find McDonalds without asking for directions, right? Does Aunt Cass really want a salad, or did she just say that to make the nurse think that she eats healthy things all the time? What about Tadashi - can he eat anything?<p>

He carries the paper bag of salad and all four different kinds of dressing and extra shaker fries through the hospital cafeteria and that's when he finds it: the Holy Grail of vending machines. There's an entire alcove of them: soda and snack machines, but also hot drinks and cup noodles and a refrigerated one with rotating shelves of sandwiches and yogurt cups.

He scans all of them and shoves one of Aunt Cass's crumpled bills into one, fingers working over the selection pad. There's a heavy _thunk!_ when the bottle of green tea drops to the bottom.

Tadashi is sleeping when he gets back. He looks sort of peaceful, all tucked in under the hospital blankets. Except, you know, for the tubes. And his one arm sticking out in the splint. But yeah...other than that he looks pretty comfortable. And he's still breathing. Would he wake up if Hiro stuck a wet finger in his ear? That usually worked before…

But he leaves him alone, scribbling on napkins and messing with a roll of medical tape while Aunt Cass eats her salad and the nurse comes in and out to check on things. "We should go," Aunt Cass says eventually. She looks at Tadashi for a long moment, smoothing his hair a little. After that she pauses to scribble a big "WE LOVE YOU!" with happy faces on the white board across from his bed. At this rate it's going to take her about ten minutes just to get to the door.

But it's hard for Hiro to leave too. He reluctantly finds his backpack and the bottle of tea. "Get better," he tells Tadashi, even though he's totally out. He sets the tea on his brother's side table. For later, you know.


	5. Chapter 5

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 5**

A/N: I realize I reference a lot of medical things in this fic - if you're ever confused, please let me know and I can explain more.

ABGs = arterial blood gases; a blood test that's often done when someone is on a vent.

* * *

><p>"Little poke."<p>

Tadashi wakes up to fierce jab in his wrist, but the lab lady has a firm hold on his hand when he automatically tries to jerk away. _Sorry_, he catches himself trying to tell her.

"It's okay." She must understand. She keeps her needle in place a little longer, then slides it out, pressing down a piece of gauze instead. "Everyone hates ABGs."

ABGs...what does that stand for? He learned so much while programming Baymax, but this is a completely different level of medicine and care. The lab lady releases his wrist and Tadashi stretches out his arm - everything feels so tight and stiff...and itchy. They've taken the bandage off and he can see the burns again: red and shiny and dry. Is it supposed to itch this much?

"Morning, sunshine!" A nurse walks in - is she the same one from last night? Was it only a night ago, or has he missed entire days again? It's a scary thought, and Tadashi longs for a way to keep track. The nurse grins down at him while unceremoniously wrapping a blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. "We'll take some vitals and then get you all nice and fresh before your family comes back again." She presses her stethoscope to his chest and abdomen while the blood pressure cuff inflates, then smiles as another nurse walks in with an armful of sheets and towels. "Look how alert he is right now. You guys are going to have a great day."

She's so, so wrong.

It's the first hospital bath Tadashi remembers and he hates it. Hates that he isn't doing it himself. He's too awake this time. There is no drifting off or happy thoughts or distracting himself from what they're doing: they wash his face and fold the sheets down and then they fold the sheets up and he just wants to go home and take a shower without these people around. _This is their job_, he tries to tell himself while they wash and dry and apply cream to his arms and chest and back. _You're too sick to do it yourself, and it's not a big deal to them_.

_But I can do it myself_, he wants to convey, even if the truth is that he can't. He can push with his feet and and his left hand, but he doesn't have enough strength or coordination to actually accomplish anything.

"He's moving around more, so maybe tape that foley to his leg," Night Nurse says, avoiding the large bandage on his upper leg while applying more lotion. The other nurse fusses with the bladder tube, making him acutely aware of just where that thing is before taping a section of it to his inner thigh. _Just take it out_, Tadashi thinks. He knows catheters are a common thing in hospitals, but he's pretty sure he can at least pee on his own now that he's awake.

It only gets worse. They take the bandages off his thighs and that is real pain: make it stop pain. Cannot fight through it pain. Eight - it's an eight! They don't ask him for a number - instead, they apply cream over the offending areas and ask each other about pain medicine - apparently they gave some through the feeding tube earlier, but they inject more into his IV anyway.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," the nurse says, gingerly securing a clean bandage in place. "The donor sites are usually worse than the actual burns."

They tug clean sheets onto the bed and get him sitting up, pull up all the blankets and turn on the TV. "I bet you feel so much better," the bubbly nurse says, putting the call light near his left hand. She smiles, still bright and sunny as ever. "You definitely look better."

Tadashi presses his eyes closed after she leaves. He feels cleaner, but not better. The full realization of what's happened is starting to hit him: he's missed ten weeks of his life and burned who knows how much of his body and been so sick they've put tubes pretty much everywhere. How did he ever, ever get himself into this situation?

_Check if the scene is safe._

Complete and utter failure. Why?

He had to help.

Is all of this - the confusion and helplessness and injuries - is it worth everyone being okay? Yes, he decides. Yes, it is.

But it begs the question - _is_ everyone okay?

* * *

><p><em>Hi Prof Froeb,<em>

_This is Hiro Hamada. I won't be in class because…_

Hiro isn't really sure how to finish the sentence. Aunt Cass said he could skip class today, but that he should email the professors. He spins around once in his desk chair, tapping on the space bar when he reaches the computer again.

_...because something came up with my brother._

_...because my dead brother isn't actually dead._

_...because your class is way less important than seeing Tadashi._

He deletes the draft and closes his email. Forget it. They don't really care why he's missing class anyway.

* * *

><p>Tadashi looks better when they get to the hospital: he's sitting up and watching TV. He looks really good sitting up, but he also looks kind of pissed. Huh. Hiro checks the TV: maybe it's because they're making him watch some morning talk show.<p>

"Why are you watching girl shows?" Hiro asks, picking up the TV remote. He starts clicking through the channels, but pretty soon a big guy comes in to listen to Tadashi's lungs and check machines and vacuum slime out of the creepy tube in his neck. Gross. There's an almost endless parade of people: doctors and medical students, a physical therapist and her assistant, X-ray technicians who roll in their huge machine, and the nurse over and over again. Most of them have nicknames for Tadashi: _Buddy_ and _Sport _and _Sunshine_; some of the older ones call him _Kiddo_ and there's one therapist who calls him _Hot Stuff_. Hiro smirks at that one - maybe she knows Mrs. Matsuda, the crazy old lady who likes to hit on Tadashi in the café. Oh man, good times.

"What did your brother do before he got hurt?" one of the nurses asks while she sits in the room, watching Tadashi's monitors. They've disconnected the ventilator, which is kind of a big deal, but they've still left the breathing tube in his neck.

"He went to SFIT for robotics engineering," Hiro answers, trying to determine if Tadashi is satisfied with this answer or not. He's still grouchy, even though he's officially breathing by himself. "Oh! He built a nurse-bot."

"You mean a robot to do what I do?" the nurse asks, intrigued. She looks down at Tadashi, raising an eyebrow and grinning. "Gonna make us obsolete, huh?"

This should earn a smile from Tadashi, but he just shakes his head. "He's in a mood," Hiro decides. That's what Aunt Cass would say, anyway. Except that Tadashi doesn't usually get like this.

"I'm gonna bring Baymax next time," Hiro tells him after the nurse leaves. That should make him happier. Baymax makes a lot of things better. He glances around the room. "Except I don't know if there's enough room."

Tadashi raises his eyebrows and starts mouthing something that Hiro can't really understand. Man, Tadashi...always freaking out about something. "It'll be fine," Hiro assures him. "He's gonna be so happy to see you. We've kind of been hanging out and stuff while you've been...gone."

Tadashi still looks concerned. _Robot_, Hiro realizes he's trying to say. _Baymax is a robot_.

"Yeah, but he's a really awesome robot!" Hiro emphasizes. That big nerd has no idea what a fantastic job he did, he thinks. He grins at Tadashi. "Wait until you see. I totally should have brought him with today."

* * *

><p>But Hiro doesn't bring Baymax - Aunt Cass vehemently points out that there is not enough room for "that marshmallow" at the hospital. What a bummer.<p>

Hiro hardly waits for Baymax to inflate when he gets home. Why didn't he tell him last night? This is something so important. "Tadashi's alive," he spits out.

Baymax doesn't freak out. He just blinks, staring back at Hiro. "You told me Tadashi was dead," he finally says.

"He's not," Hiro argues back. "We thought he was gone, but he's not." He wants Baymax to be excited, but that doesn't happen. Instead the robot scans the room, spending an extra moment peering into Tadashi's side.

"Where is Tadashi?" he finally asks. He doesn't argue again that Tadashi is dead - he just accepts what Hiro's told him, like always.

"He got hurt," Hiro responds. He leans against Baymax's belly, picking at one of his sweatshirt strings.

"I can help," Baymax offers eagerly. He's ready to go to wherever Tadashi is, to spray him with antiseptic and stick on some band-aids.

"He's at the hospital." Hiro tries to tug Baymax to the floor so that they can sit there together, but the robot is resolute. Somebody is sick and injured - Baymax is programmed to help. "The doctors and nurses are taking care of him."

"Do they require assistance?"

"No, they're okay," Hiro answers, tugging at Baymax's balloony hand again. There's a click as Baymax scans him next: if Baymax can't help Tadashi, he'll move on to Hiro. "I'm okay," Hiro tells him. "I'm not hurt."

Baymax hugs him anyway.

* * *

><p>Maybe he should be disappointed about no visit from Baymax, but Tadashi is too busy trying to push himself to get better as soon as possible. It's slow going. With every bit of progress, there seems to be some kind of catch or challenge: he's off the vent, but they leave the trach in place. The splint and bandages come off his right hand and arm, but the new skin underneath is bloody and scabby and so tender that he doesn't even want to move. His donor sites start to heal, but the surgeon announces that he still needs to do one more skin graft surgery for a spot on his back.<p>

He's not sure how many days it's been when the physical therapist decides it's time for him to sit up at the side of the bed. It's scary and exciting at the same time: scary because even rolling onto his side takes a lot of effort, but exciting because sitting up is one step closer to standing and walking and getting out of this place.

"Your little brother told me that you're a pretty active guy," the therapist tells him while folding all the blankets down to the foot of the bed. "It's about time we get you up and moving."

It's a fairly quick motion: the therapist gets one arm behind his back while the assistant manages his feet and legs. Tadashi's pretty sure he's going to pass out or vomit or _die_ - from the change in position or pain or...or he doesn't even know. The graft sites on his legs sting like crazy and he thinks maybe the catheter is in the wrong place. All the blood in his body is rushing down into his feet, getting ready to burst out of his toes.

"Nice job!" the therapist beams, placing his hands on his shoulders in case he weaves. "Give it a sec. You haven't done this in awhile. Sit up nice and straight."

His head clears and the desire to hurl passes, but his legs and feet are still in agony. Damn, the months in bed have messed him up. This should be so easy, but the five or so minutes that they make him sit there feel like an eternity.

Standing and walking and getting out the hospital suddenly seem a lot further away. The same question nags at him again - was this worth it?

He gets closer to finding out, because they cap the trach the same day. "We're just going to try it for a couple minutes," the nurse says evenly while she seals it off. "It's been a long time since you've had to breathe through your mouth and nose."

He can smell things. And talk! It's the best thing to happen...the best! "Can I have something to drink?" Tadashi asks, as soon as the thrill of speaking has died down a little. Hiro's bottle of tea is looking pretty tempting. Or water. Even water would be awesome.

"Not yet," the nurse responds, looking a little sad. He dismisses it - there are more important things to concern himself with. He can hang on a little longer for tea. Where's Aunt Cass? Or even Hiro? He's been waiting to ask so many questions: questions about his injuries and when the tubes can come out, but also about school and what Hiro's been up to and how things are going at home.

And the big question, the one nobody seems to be able to understand when he mouths it. The most important one.

* * *

><p>It's Tuesday afternoon when Cass arrives and finds Tadashi sitting up in bed and watching some reality TV show or another. "Hey, sweetie," she greets him, walking over to kiss the side of his forehead. This time Tadashi actually raises his left arm to hug her back.<p>

"Hi, Aunt Cass," he says, pressing his open palm against her shoulder.

"Oh my gosh!" Cass can't help herself. She steps back, looking at him. He's talking! And smiling: oh, how she loves that smile! Tadashi has been so serious the last few days, but he looks a million times better now. She hugs him again, maybe a little closer, a little tighter. "Oh, baby, I'm so happy! I've missed your voice so much! Oh! This is the best! We should call Hiro; he's going to be so excited."

"Is Professor Callaghan okay?" Tadashi demands, bringing her back down to earth. She looks at him for a long moment. He's been waiting days to ask this, and his entire face is full of anticipation and concern.

"Yeah, he's okay," Cass manages to tell him. She can't tell if her facial expression is adequately passive or not: can he read any of the anger she still holds onto for that man? It's too early to tell him any of that, she decides - way too early.

Tadashi smiles slightly, letting out a little sigh of relief. "Good," he says, then he looks concerned again. "Everyone else is okay too?"

"Everyone is fine," Cass answers. _Everyone except you._


	6. Chapter 6

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 6**

A/N: Thanks again for the favs, follows, and especially the kind reviews. I love hearing what you think of this.

* * *

><p>"Do not give this number out to <em>anyone<em>. I don't care if they're from The Tribune or Channel 8 or...or Ellen! Actually, you can give it Ellen. I like her."

Hiro watches as Aunt Cass instructs one of her staff while she shoves donuts into the display case at the cafe. Things have gotten kind of crazy over the weekend: more people are finding out about Tadashi, and that includes news people. When they thought Tadashi had died, nobody asked any questions. All the newspaper wanted was the obituary. Now these people want to know who Tadashi got confused with and how he's doing and _how does your family feel about this_?

Aunt Cass doesn't like it. "I have enough to do with keeping this place running and figuring out the insurance and talking to people at the hospital without talking to reporters," she tells Hiro in a fit of exasperation. She finishes with the donuts and heads towards the kitchen to retrieve something else. "Not to mention, I still have to tell your brother that _we_ _thought he was dead_! At this rate he's going to see it on TV! Geez, I should probably find him some movies or something…"

Hiro stays quiet this time. He's got craziness of his own to deal with: his friends keep texting and calling, asking for more and more information. He started off replying to them, but it just leads to more questions - especially questions he doesn't know the answers to. He digs his phone out of his pocket and checks it over: still silenced. His inbox is full of unread messages and missed calls.

"I didn't get a chance to make you a lunch, so just pick something up," Aunt Cass cuts into his thoughts. She tries to hug him and hang onto several DVD cases at the same time. "We'll see you after class, okay?"

She wants him to go back today, and he's reluctantly agreed. Tadashi is supposed to be in the hospital for a long time, she's pointed out, and Hiro will put his grant in danger if he misses too much school. He wants to put life on pause for a little while though. He just can't afford to.

* * *

><p>"He has risen from the ashes, a glorious phoenix!"<p>

"Shut up, Fred," GoGo says. Maybe she should be as excited as Fred, but over the past few days she's followed a path more like disbelief-skepticism-acceptance...and whatever this is. Concern? She reaches over to steal one of Wasabi's fries, sliding it through the blob of mayo on her plate. Wasabi doesn't even freak out and swat her away. They're all kind of preoccupied - it's the first time they've seen Hiro since the news about Tadashi, and the kid seems tired out from answering questions.

From what Hiro's said, it doesn't sound like Tadashi is a _glorious phoenix_. Bulgogi comes to mind. Yakiniku. Flame-grilled meat. Burnt. She doesn't say it out loud - it would sound crass. Insensitive. Plus it might give Fred dumb ideas for nicknames.

"Can we visit him?" Honey Lemon asks gently, but GoGo notices the way her eyebrows are raised as she sits up extra tall in her chair. Honey really wants to go. GoGo's not so sure how she feels about it: Hiro says Tadashi isn't even talking or eating. It sounds pretty bad - he's alive, but...not the same.

"The doctor said only family right now," Hiro answers. He sucks on his drink but all anyone hears is the rattle of ice cubes. "We're supposed to tell him more stuff first, but Aunt Cass wants to wait until he can ask questions."

"That makes sense," Wasabi says. GoGo nabs another fry and he frowns and shoves the whole basket at her.

"I can't believe it," Fred comments, glancing around at all of them. "It's just like Molecular Man: total case of mistaken identity! I should have known something like this was gonna happen..."

"Yup," GoGo draws out the word, dropping an extra-crunchy fry back into the basket in exchange for a better one. Seriously, Fred…

Honey blinks at Fred and then turns her attention back to Hiro with a smile. "Well, we can send him something, right? If I get something, maybe you can bring it after school."

"Sure, I have lab until 6:30 and then I'm going to go," Hiro answers. He turns his attention to Wasabi, perking up a little. "Do you think Professor Sato would let me skip the lab if I do it later? Then I could go at 3:30 instead."

"You'd have to ask…" Wasabi starts, but he gets cut off by Hiro's phone. Maybe the kid doesn't answer any of their calls, but he holds it up to his ear right away this time. Typical.

* * *

><p>"Hi, Aunt Cass," Hiro says into the phone. It's kind of a relief to have an interruption. His first day back at school has been long, and he still has two more classes to go. Lunch has been spent filling everyone in, and he wants to leave and just hang out in Tadashi's room for awhile. Not much happens in there, but at least he doesn't have to wonder.<p>

"Hey sweetie," Aunt Cass says, and she sounds more excited than she has in a long time. "Someone wants to talk to you." She doesn't give him time to say anything else - instead he hears her fumbling with her phone and saying, _yeah, it's Hiro_.

"Hiro, what are you doing, knucklehead?" The voice that comes through is kind of hoarse and tired, but definitely...

"Tadashi!" Hiro finds himself exclaiming. GoGo sets her french fry down and he sees Honey pop up in her chair.

"Who did you think it was going to be?" Tadashi questions, and Hiro can almost hear his smile.

It's weird hearing him say things like this after...after everything. Shouldn't he be saying stuff like _I was so stupid _and _I love you so much? _

Actually, this is better. It feels kind of...normal.

"I don't know. Aunt Cass made it sound important, so maybe NASA?" Hiro tries. It funny how easily it comes to him. He sees GoGo stifle a smile while Wasabi frowns and he thinks he hears Fred say, _Ooh, burn! _It feels good to say it, but he can't help adding, "I'm glad you can talk again."

"You and me both," Tadashi responds. Hiro waits for him to add something else, but he doesn't seem to have any good comeback for the NASA comment.

"Everybody's here," Hiro tells him when the silence gets too long, and he holds his phone out while everyone choruses their hellos:

"Get better soon, Tadashi!"

"We'll visit as soon as the doctor says it's okay!"

"We miss you, Hamada."

"Make sure you hit on the cute nurses!"

"That was Fred," Hiro makes sure to inform him.

"Oh, that Fred. Sweetie, I'm going to let you go; Tadashi's getting tired." It's Aunt Cass's voice that comes through this time, but she sounds amused. The phone call suddenly feels incredibly short, and Hiro wants to blow off his dumb history class along with open lab. "I'll let you say bye, okay?"

There's another round of good-byes from the table and Hiro eventually adds his own. "Bye, Tadashi. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Hiro," Tadashi replies. He must be tired, because he doesn't add _don't get into trouble_ or _have a good class _or anything. Aunt Cass's voice comes back. "Okay, bye honey! See you later!"

"I forgot to tell him to beware of vampires!" Fred exclaims after Hiro hangs up. He gives everyone a knowing look. "You know they hang out in hospitals, pretending to draw people's blood. They take it into the back room and drink it!"

* * *

><p>"What should we get him?" Honey asks, looking to GoGo for input. The florist near school is bright and cheerful, but there's waaaay too much to choose from. Oh, they have gerberas! And peonies!<p>

"Does Tadashi even like flowers?" GoGo asks sullenly. Honey considers that and realizes she doesn't know. There were flowers at his funeral, despite the blurb in his obituary requesting donations to a scholarship fund instead. GoGo blows a bubble and then snaps her gum. "Hiro said he's in something like the ICU, so he's probably not even allowed to have them."

"Oh, that's probably true," Honey agrees. Too bad...the refrigerated cases have some really lovely arrangements. She glances around the store and points behind the counter. "We could get him a balloon…Oh, look! They have Hello Kitty! So cute, right?"

"Yeah, because Tadashi is a huge Hello Kitty fan."

But the balloon is perfect: cute and happy and...buoyant! Tadashi isn't going to care if it's Hello Kitty. He'll just be happy because it's from them.

She carries the balloon out, letting GoGo trail behind her. GoGo can find her own gift if she wants.

* * *

><p>"Honey got you this," Hiro announces, holding up Honey's dumb balloon. He had to carry that thing <em>on the bus<em>. The things he does for people… He deposits the balloon at the foot of Tadashi's bed, getting his phone out. "She wanted you to see this too."

Tadashi lets out a quiet laugh when he sees Honey's selfie with the balloon hugged against her fish-face. "Ha, Honey Lemon," he says, raising his eyebrows at the balloon. "Can't say I'm surprised."

It's surreal hearing his voice - but awesome! He still has bandages and tubes, but he seems less sick now that he can talk. Hiro takes a spot in the chair near the bed. "So are they letting you eat and stuff?" he asks.

"Maybe tomorrow," Tadashi answers. He takes a deep breath and keeps talking. "I'm supposed to do some kind of swallowing test first. But they had me sit up today."

"Yeah?" Hiro asks, surprised. Sitting up is really good, right? If Tadashi is sitting up already, maybe that means he'll get better really fast.

"It was bad." Tadashi raises an eyebrow. Hiro gets the impression that it really was bad, but that Tadashi is feeling good enough to keep working at it.

He wants to ask more, but Aunt Cass walks in. "Hey boys!" she greets them. She takes the only empty chair left in the room, stumbling a little as she sits down. She's nervous, Hiro thinks. He goes on alert - Aunt Cass mentioned this before.

Tadashi can ask questions now. That means she's going to tell him stuff.

* * *

><p>"We need to have a talk," Aunt Cass announces. It must be a talk she doesn't want to have, because she seems tense. Tadashi notices Hiro shift in his chair. His younger brother knows what this is about, Tadashi realizes. Whatever it is, it isn't good - Hiro is frowning.<p>

"Okay," he agrees, trying to sit up a little straighter. The attempt only goes so-so and he can feel himself sliding down in the bed. Hopefully this isn't about the stupidity of running into burning buildings. That lesson has hit pretty hard already.

"Here, let me help," Aunt Cass sighs, relaxing long enough to adjust one of the pillows. It's not very effective, but he figures he can last until dressing change time.

"Do you guys want to watch a movie?" Hiro cuts in. "I can stream something."

He's trying to stall. Whatever this is, it's important. Tadashi rolls his shoulders, trying to get a little more comfortable. If they don't have this talk, it's going to keep him awake all night. "Maybe after we talk," he tells Hiro.

"Okay." Aunt Cass takes a deep breath, but she doesn't say anything right away after letting it out. She presses her hands together, then against her knees. "Tadashi, there are a lot of things you don't know. Things I really, really wish I didn't need to tell you."

"Like what?" he asks. What could be so bad that she doesn't even want to tell him? They've already told him about his injuries and the long recovery process, so it can't be that. Is everything okay at home? With his friends? He hasn't seen them yet - are all of them alright?

"The night you got hurt, somebody else got burned too," Aunt Cass says, like she's rehearsed this. "Not at SFIT. A different fire. It wasn't anyone we know. Something happened and...you got confused."

"I was unconscious," Tadashi points out, but maybe he was just confused and doesn't remember it? Did he do something? Say something?

"I meant they confused you and the other person," Aunt Cass clarifies. She looks like she's going to cry. Across the room Hiro avoids eye contact. Aunt Cass wrings her hands and her voice is uneven when she continues. "Tadashi, they told me you died."

"I didn't. I'm right here," Tadashi reaches out to her, even while his mind is reeling. Why is she telling him this? It's only seeming to upset her, and he can imagine the toll it must have taken before someone told her otherwise.

"You don't get it, Tadashi," Hiro announces from his chair. He looks miserable, like he doesn't want to be in the room. "We thought you were gone for a long time. Until you woke up. Everyone thought it."

Wait, what? _What?_

* * *

><p>He asks questions.<p>

There was a funeral. A death certificate. They grieved for more than two months. His friends. Aunt Cass. Hiro.

He was alone for more than two months.

_We're here now_, Aunt Cass says. _And we're so happy. So, so happy. We're going to get through all of this together - that's what we do._

She wants him to know now, from them, before he hears it from someone else. She knows it's upsetting. He can talk to the counselor if he wants. They made a note in his chart.

Maybe he should have watched Hiro's movie.

At the end of his bed, Honey Lemon's balloon twists slowly. The hirigana on the back of Hello Kitty's head is cheerful, punctated with an exuberant exclamation mark. His ability to read Japanese is only so-so, but he knows this one.

がんばって!

_Ganbatte_. Do your best. Don't give up. Keep your chin up.


	7. Chapter 7

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 7**

A/N: Thanks as always for your support! I return to work in a couple days, so updates may be even slower soon. :(

Please comment if you have time - I really do love reading your reviews and finding out what you like about each chapter.

Love, Ara

* * *

><p>"So how'd he take it?" GoGo asks when Hiro tells them about the previous evening's conversation. It's been a serious talk - Fred isn't there to lighten things up, and Honey Lemon is pretty subdued.<p>

"I don't know," Hiro answers honestly. Tadashi didn't get mad or cry or anything like that. He just asked a bunch of questions. He sighs and turns his attention back to the comments displayed on the computer. "There's a way to remove these, right?"

He doesn't use social media - it's a waste of time and a good way to let stupid people contact you - but Tadashi has an account. It doesn't matter that he hardly used it: his page is plastered with people's condolences and messages to him.

_I didn't really know you well, but thanks for always saying hi to me_

_Guess you were just too good for this world_

_I used to go to your aunt's café hoping you'd be working. You were the sweetest, cutest, friendliest waiter ever. _

_rip with your mom and dad. wish you were still with us though. lab isnt the same without you._

_Hope you're having a good time in heaven. We miss you, man._

He swallows hard. He's never read them before, and it feels weird doing it now.

Thankfully Honey interrupts. "It's pretty easy, but it would probably take awhile," she says tentatively, looking over his shoulder at the comments.

GoGo slouches in her chair. "You could just delete the whole account," she suggests. Hiro considers this - he's not sure how attached his brother is to it, but it's not like he can't make another one if he wants...

"I don't know...he might want to read them later." Honey argues. Hiro feels her hand grip the back of his chair. "A lot of them say really nice things."

"Yeah, I'm sure he wants to read all the nice things people wrote because they thought he was dead." GoGo rolls her eyes up towards the ceiling. They obviously have very different opinions on this. Hiro waits for one of them to agree with the other, but that doesn't happen. He's read more of them than he ever wants to, at least...

It's a relief when Wasabi reaches over him to take control of the mouse. "Let's just deactivate the page for now," he says, moving close enough to the computer to do it himself. "Tadashi can decide for himself later."

* * *

><p>"Sorry, what?" Tadashi asks, turning his attention to this morning's nurse. She's introduced herself, but her name already escapes him - his mind keeps rehashing everything Aunt Cass and Hiro told him last night, and despite all their answers he still comes up with more questions. Some of them seem fairly safe: who came to the funeral? Did the other person look a lot like him? They seem like things anyone would be curious about.<p>

But there are other questions that he's not so sure about, unsettling things that would probably get under people's skin - things he's not sure if he'll ever be able to ask. Maybe he'll forget them before he has an opportunity. Maybe. Hopefully.

"I asked if you needed to have a BM." The nurse's answer jolts him out of this latest contemplation. She stands there, wrapping a piece of tape around the end of his feeding tube. She's young, probably only a few years older than him. Quiet, but friendly for the most part. Pretty.

And she wants to know if he has to poop. Great.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks," he tells her, even though he should probably try. She looks like she's going to protest, but he continues before she can say anything about the fact that he didn't go yesterday. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she nods, glancing up from what she's doing to smile at him for a moment.

"My aunt says no one here knew who I was until I woke up last week," he tells her. It feels strange talking to someone outside his family about it - maybe he should ask to see that counselor. "Wasn't that kind of strange, taking care of someone when you didn't even know who they were?"

"I haven't actually been your nurse before," she answers dully, shaking her head. "Your primary nurse is off today." She tears off more pieces of tape, sticking them to the bed rail. "I'm going to change the tape holding the tube in your nose, so don't sneeze it out."

It's a pretty long tube - it has to reach all the way down into his stomach, after all. It seems far-fetched to think he could sneeze it out.

"It's been done," she says in response to his skeptical look. She holds onto the tube while scrubbing tape residue off of it, focused on what she's doing. "It probably didn't really matter that they didn't know who you were," she comments, answering his earlier question. "If you're a good nurse, you want everyone you take care of to get better and walk out of here." He's reminded of conversations he had with nurses and nursing students while developing Baymax. It's ingrained in so many of them, written into his robot's coding - this need to take care of people impartially. She goes on, "Actually, they probably took even better care of you because of your situation. You have a lot of people rooting for you."

She wraps a new piece of tape around the tube, pressing it onto his nose and finally making eye contact. He thinks maybe she's going to say something more, but instead she just presses her lips together for a moment and asks, "Now, are you really sure you don't need to have a BM?"

* * *

><p>"Some first meal," Cass comments, picking up a spoonful of rice porridge and letting it drip back into the bowl. Tadashi has passed his swallowing test, but the "soft diet" tray they send up doesn't look particularly appetizing. She picks up the banana, which is probably the best looking thing out of all of it. "Do you want this?"<p>

"It's not that bad," Tadashi answers, trying to use his feet and left hand to force himself into a better position. He should be thrilled about eating, but the truth is that other things are still in the forefront of his mind. He reaches out for the banana and Aunt Cass breaks off a piece and hands it to him. It's work, chewing with his out-of-practice jaw, but the banana at least tastes better than the porridge. "You said there was a funeral and...a burial. Is it next to Mom and Dad?"

"Mmm hmm. Yeah," Cass manages to answer as she hands him another piece. Most of his questions have been easy to answer: have they learned who the other person was yet? Who told her he was alive? This one shakes her a little more. She doesn't tell him that they're exhuming the body buried there, a body they buried in his clothes, with his name and his birthday on the marker.

"I should go see them."

Cass shifts in her chair. She's not sure if the thought that comes to mind will comfort him or not, but Tadashi has always kept the memory of his parents close. "I talked to them a lot after," she tells him. "Asked them to take care of you." She smiles, rubbing his arm through the bandage. "I really think they did, sweetie."

He returns a shadow of the smile but doesn't say anything in response. They've told him that people sometimes dream when they're in drug-induced comas, but he can't remember anything. He's not sure what he believes about an afterlife, and his recent experience hasn't enlightened him at all - but he wonders if maybe a channel opened up between them and him while he was out.

Did they tell him to stay? For Hiro? For himself?

* * *

><p>Cass peers under Tadashi's bed and into his closet that evening, but she can't find what she's looking for. "Hiro!" she yells, hoping he's within range of her voice. "Where are your brother's running shoes?!"<p>

There's a response from somewhere in the house, but she can't make it out. The physical therapist wants his shoes because they seem to think they'll be better for standing and walking than hospital slippers. She peers towards the stairs and hollers again. "What?!"

"You gave them to that guy, remember? In the rain?" Hiro says, appearing at the top of the stairs. He was kind of upset when Aunt Cass did that, even though Tadashi's running shoes weren't really anything special. Tadashi probably would have given the shoes to the guy himself, to be honest.

Crap. She does remember: one of her wait staff showed up to work soaked to the bone and she remembers letting him wear those shoes home after his shift. Cass pushes herself up from the floor and dusts off her knees. Gosh, this place needs to be vacuumed. "Ugh, yeah," she responds. Great, now she needs to make a run to the store.

"Do me a favor and find him some socks," she tells Hiro. "Maybe a toothbrush and anything else you think he's going to want, okay?"

* * *

><p>There are all these reminders of his assumed death: when Aunt Cass brings his laptop, the background has been changed. Tadashi can't log into his student email account or social media. Multiple websites have been blocked: <em>access denied: custom user settings <em>pops up over and over when he tries to read the news or search his own name - probably Hiro's doing. His administrator access has also been terminated, and goodness knows what kind of encrypted password that bonehead has come up with to slow him down.

The hospital staff keep using nicknames for him, and when he mentions it to the night nurse he gets an unexpected answer. "My name's not hard to pronounce," he tells her when she calls him sweetheart once again. He smiles, hoping she's not going to be offended. "It's said pretty much the same way it's spelled."

She's not upset - instead she grins back and laughs a little. "Sorry - I'm just getting used to it," she tells him. "I've been calling you sweetheart and sunshine since the night you were admitted. There really wasn't anything else to call you."

At least he doesn't have to have the same conversation with the physical therapist. "You ready, Tadashi?" he asks, helping him swing his legs over the edge of the bed again. Tadashi trusts his left hand a little more and steadies himself. It goes better, even if his legs still throb as though they've been freshly bruised. "Looking good!" the therapist cheers. "I think we can give standing up a shot today." He grabs a sneaker from under the bed and stretches it out, wrestling it onto Tadashi's foot.

"I don't think that's mine," Tadashi tells him, even while he tries to wiggle his foot into the shoe further. It fits, but he doesn't own any Asics.

"It's what your aunt brought," the therapist shrugs, tying the laces and picking up a second shoe.

"I'm sorry," Aunt Cass laments when he asks her about them. "I let Ryan wear yours home because his were wet, and I told him not to worry about bringing them back. You know Ryan, right? He wears the same size as you."

She tells him that she hasn't given away anything else, that his room is still the same as it was. "Well, I emptied the waste paper basket," she says. "And put away all those water glasses. You must have had three or four cups in there! What did you think you needed that many for?"

It sets him at ease, at least until the occupational therapist asks him if he wants to brush his teeth and Hiro struggles to rip a new toothbrush out of its packaging. "I threw your old one away," he says, trying to force the handle through the hole he's made in the cardboard backing. He finally hands it over. "Here."

It's strange how much it bothers him that they've thrown away something as stupid and little as a toothbrush. He watches as the nurse spreads toothpaste on the new one and tries to scrub his back teeth left-handedly - his right hand is still too stiff and painful and bandaged for this task. He hasn't brushed his teeth in ages: they've been cleaning them with little mint-flavored sponges on sticks. The toothbrush slips around and he hits a tender spot. It hurts.

"Jeez, Tadashi," Hiro sighs, rolling his eyes and watching as the therapist helps him get a better grip on the new toothbrush. "I threw the old one away last night: it was all gross and dusty."

"Re'ee?" Tadashi asks through his mouthful of toothpaste. It's touching that Hiro even realizes that this matters to him. He wants to reach over and ruffle his brother's hair, but instead he pulls the toothbrush out his mouth and spits a mouthful of foam into the basin the therapist holds out. "Really? You kept it?"

Hiro sighs and rolls his eyes again. "I just didn't throw it away, okay? You're so weird."

"Aww, are you uncomfortable?" Tadashi grins, dropping the toothbrush and reaching over to swat Hiro's knee. "You need to get in touch with your feelings."

"I'm not uncomfortable - I'm just not all sentimental over a dumb toothbrush like you!" Hiro scoots away. "You look rabid, by the way."

"Hey," the therapist interrupts, trying not to laugh. She holds out a glass of water. "Swish and spit."

* * *

><p>The BM-obsessed nurse is back, this time for the night shift. She sits in a chair waiting for the tube feeding to finish, charting something on a tablet while Tadashi watches baseball on the laptop. That, at least, hasn't been blocked.<p>

"Did your friends send that?" the nurse asks, tilting her head towards a poster that's been taped to the wall across from his bed.

"Yeah," Tadashi answers, pausing the game in case this turns into a long conversation. The poster is large and covered in messages and photos from people at college: lab buddies and professors and teaching assistants. Big, cheerful lettering tells him to "Get Well Soon! Love, SFIT!" Several more balloons have joined Honey Lemon's, floating together in one corner. It's another one of those unsettling reminders - his room wasn't missing these things before because they weren't allowed, it was because everyone was sending his family flowers and sympathy cards instead.

The nurse smiles and contemplates it for a long moment, then turns her attention back to him. "You're very well-loved," she says evenly, just as the feeding pump starts to blare. She gets up to turn it off. "I think that counts for a lot."

Tadashi stacks these things up in his head like a equation: the injuries, pain, his assumed death and everyone's grief versus the recent outpouring of support and love.

"It does," he agrees.


	8. Chapter 8

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 8**

A/N: Yikes, this has hit a lot of faves/follows! Thank you to each of you - and especially those who've taken the time to review. As always, I do appreciate it!

* * *

><p>Wasabi pulls into the campus parking lot and parks the van - the new van. It took awhile to find the same make and model, but he likes the way it drives, and it's compact enough to park easily without feeling too cramped inside. Too bad that it's only a hybrid...he'll give up fossil fuels completely once he can afford to.<p>

He makes his way inside the student center and heads for the coffee shop. "One tall Zen tea," he requests, getting his student card out for payment.

"Just one?" the girl at the register asks, raising her eyebrows. He's been ordering two every Friday since the new semester started.

"Yeah, just one," Wasabi forces himself to say. Maybe he should have stuck with two - but no. Today he really needs only one. He drums his fingers on the countertop. "Thanks."

"Okay," the girl agrees, and in another minute she hands him the hot takeaway cup in a cardboard holder.

He crosses campus with the tea and a paper bag, not to the lab or his first lecture hall, but to the steps outside the fenced off remains of the ruined expo hall. There's still removal of debris going on behind the barriers, but there's not much noise this early in the morning.

The makeshift memorial is still there on the steps, though it was moved against a pillar a long time ago. Wasabi sets down the paper bag and drops in the empty votive holders and the ends of burnt out incense sticks, damp papers, a few rotting flowers and iffy looking candy bars. Eww…good thing he has napkins from the coffee shop. He takes apart the weathered frame holding his friend's photo and slides a note inside the glass, taking a moment to make sure the edges are straight: _Messages may be sent to Tadashi Hamada, c/o Koseki University Hospital Burn & Trauma Center. _A campus-wide email went out earlier, but who knows if people have actually read it.

He picks up last week's cup of tea, pulls off the plastic lid, and pours the contents on the grass.

It's been a crazy week.

He's not bringing tea here anymore.

* * *

><p>Hiro drags himself into the lab. He doesn't want to be here, but he lets himself into his area and drops his backpack onto the desk chair. Leave it to Tadashi to tell him to go to school on a day like today. Some older brother.<p>

"Morning, young grasshopper," Fred greets him, standing in the doorway with a steaming coffee. He relaxes against the door frame. "You're not hanging with the big broski at medical central this morning?"

"I'll go in the afternoon," Hiro answers, even while his fingers are feeling for his phone. Maybe he should call Aunt Cass. She sent him off this morning, but she never said he had to come here.

Fred drops onto a rolling stool, gulping down the coffee. "Tadashi's surgery is this AM, right?"

"Yeah," Hiro nods. He should be there, telling Tadashi bye and waiting with Aunt Cass. He checks the time on his phone. "It's supposed to be at nine. He told me to not to miss class."

"Typical Tadashi wisdom," Fred drawls, but he rolls forward and claps Hiro on the arm. "_My_ wisdom says breakfast burrito and good luck phone call."

* * *

><p>"On three," one of the nurses says, and then she counts off. When she gets to "three" the four people standing around the bed lift the bottom sheet and Tadashi tries to relax and hold still while they slide his body from the hospital bed to a wheeled stretcher. It's surgery day. Today they'll take a section of skin from his lower back and put it over an area on his shoulder that hasn't healed yet.<p>

There's no reason to freak out, he tells himself - according to the medical team, he's already been in surgery seven times during the last eleven weeks for debridement and skin grafts. Seven times. It sounds excessive. Even just thinking about the amount of work they must have done makes him uneasy: seven surgeries' worth of cutting away damaged tissue and pressing on new skin. _We can only tackle a certain percentage of your body at a time_, one of the nurses explained earlier. _Anything more would be unsafe, and you were in seriously bad shape for awhile. You have no idea. _

They say things like this once in awhile, telling him how much better he's doing compared to "before." Tadashi doesn't ask for details. Maybe later. Not today. Today has enough worries of its own. He watches as the people in the room work to remove excess linen from the stretcher, making a pile of sheets and blankets on his empty bed. Words from his plastic surgeon drift back to him, picking at his brain.

_You did fine every time_. _And if all goes well, this is the last one for awhile._

The last surgery, for now anyway. The only one he's going to remember going into.

Is he going to remember coming out?

How long is it going to take to wake up? Are they going to get him off the ventilator right away? They say everything should go smoothly, but they still warn him about...about possibilities. Things can go wrong.

Tadashi holds his breath as one of the transporters tilts up the head of the stretcher. "Good?" the older man asks.

"Yeah," Tadashi answers, trying to pull a wrinkle out of his hospital gown where it's bunched under his leg. Gripping things still isn't going so great.

What if he gets stuck again, knocked out on the vent? At most he's supposed to miss about three hours. Three hours is doable. It's not like days or weeks or months. The wristband has his name on it. They know who he is. _I'll be fine_, he told Hiro fifteen minutes ago. _I'll see you this afternoon._

"Let me get that for you." His nurse reaches over and tugs the hem of the gown out from under him, pulling it down around his knees one-handedly. It's Kim, the one with the kid learning to drive. She's holding a blanket to her chest with her other arm and he can feel heat radiating off of it. "It's gonna feel cold out there," she warns, spreading it over him and tucking it up around his shoulders while making sure it doesn't cover the trach in his neck. "Those hallways are frigid."

"Thanks," Tadashi manages to say, shifting a little. Right. It's the first trip outside that he remembers, and he's going into the operating room.

"You okay?" she asks. Her easy smile dissipates and settles into a frown. "Do you want that Ativan now?"

She offered it to him almost an hour ago. She didn't tell him exactly what it was, just that it would help him relax. Tadashi knows what that means.

Anti-anxiety medication.

He inhales slowly through his nose, but when he exhales he can't keep the calm pace. Deep breathing usually works. He tries again: _pull the air down, expand your rib cage, and slowly out through your mouth_. Not today. Kim is still standing over him with her hand on the stretcher's guardrail, waiting for an answer. "Yeah," he tells her. "Yeah, thanks."

* * *

><p>"...and 3 mg of morphine about...ten minutes ago...hang on. Hi, Mr. Hamada. You got back from surgery a little while ago. How are you fee…?"<p>

Tadashi doesn't wait for her to finish. Nauseated. He is feeling nauseated to his core. He tries to shift onto his side as the nurse, who is _not_ Kim, hurries over with a plastic basin. The sound of something like a vacuum cleaner fills the room and she stands there with a suction catheter ready in case he vomits, but nothing comes up.

"Does he have orders for anything besides the Zofran?" she calls over her shoulder. She turns back to him, trying to hold the empty basin steady. "We'll get you something in a sec. It's not uncommon to feel a little sick to your stomach after anesthesia."

He's breathing through the trach again, and he can feel the tangle of oxygen and IV lines and a heart monitor. Dry heaving is exhausting, and Tadashi feels like crap.

But relieved. So relieved. He's on the right side of consciousness, in post-op recovery, awake.

* * *

><p>"You feeling better?" Hiro asks his brother Sunday morning. Tadashi threatened to puke on and off all Friday night, and they were still giving him anti-vomit drugs yesterday. That sounds kind of catchy: anti-vomit. If Hiro owned a pharmaceutical company, maybe that's what he'd call it.<p>

"Much better," Tadashi answers, even though he still has a barf basin next to him on the bed. They sit together watching TV until one of Tadashi's doctors comes in and checks him over. She makes him talk and cough and asks him about five different times if he feels sick to his stomach. She finishes listening to his lungs, tucking her stethoscope into her pocket and looking at the nurse. "When was the last time he took an antiemetic?" she asks.

Anti-vomit definitely sounds better.

"Uh...yesterday around ten in the morning," the nurse answers after looking it up on her tablet.

The doctor raises her eyebrows at Tadashi. "You want that trach out today? Surgery's over, so we're finished with it."

_Heck yes!_ Hiro is ready to answer, but Tadashi beats him to it. To make things even better, the doctor tells Hiro that he can stay in the room when they take it out. He makes himself comfortable, kneeling on his chair to see. This is going to be...disgusting? Fascinating? He's never seen anything like this before, unless pulling a monster booger out of his nose once counts.

"I don't think I can watch," Aunt Cass confesses, rubbing one of her arms. Oh man, Aunt Cass. She cradles her own face in her hands and focuses her attention on Tadashi. "Are you gonna be okay if I have to turn my head?"

"It's fine," Tadashi says. He gives her a big smile, but he looks nervous too. What's he got to be so worried about? He's been wanting the tube out for days.

"It's going to be so fast, you'll hardly even realize it," the nurse tells all of them while hooking Tadashi up to a blood pressure cuff and oxygen sensor. Hiro frowns. Wouldn't it be a million times easier to just park Baymax in the room? Why haven't these people taken advantage of remote monitoring?

But she's right - it is fast - at least the part where the doctor pulls the tube out. It's smaller than Hiro expected, and cleaner. And...there's a gaping hole in his brother's throat. Is that thing supposed to close on it's own? The doctor holds up the little curved tube for Tadashi to see. "Want to keep it?" she asks.

Tadashi croaks something, clears his throat, and then rasps out what sounds like _no, that's okay_.

"You should totally keep it!" Hiro pipes up, and the nurse drops it into a ziplock bag with a biohazard symbol on it. He has no idea what he's going to do with it - it's too big to tape into his journal - but seriously! It's not like you get something that weird everyday.

Tadashi frowns at him, still flat on his back while the doctor presses a fancy bandage onto his neck. "You're not keeping anything else they pull out," he forces in a harsh whisper.

"No one wants your pee tube," Hiro retorts, hurrying over to his backpack before Aunt Cass can swat him. He shoves the biohazard bag inside, digging for something else. "But I have something for you. Hang on."

* * *

><p>"I thought you'd want this," Hiro says after Tadashi gets his trach out, holding out his battered Ninjas hat. "You know, to cover up your craptastic hair."<p>

"I was wondering where this was!" Tadashi exclaims, though it comes out as a croaky whisper. Right...he's supposed to press down on the neck bandage while talking until the hole closes, or he gets to sound like a laryngitic toad. It's tricky pulling the cap on with one so-so hand and one pretty much incapacitated one, but it feels at home on his head. It's been a long week, but at least a few things are going right. He sighs contentedly and gives Hiro a half-grin. "Now I feel like myself."

Hiro sniffs and raises an eyebrow. "Your major nerd self, probably."

Aunt Cass grins and holds up Hiro's phone. "Okay, guys, lemme get a picture. Big day for the Hamadas! Bye-bye trach tube! Smile!"

"You don't need a photo of this," Tadashi tries to interject, but Hiro is already leaning in next to him, grinning like an idiot. At least he's not holding up the baggie with the tube inside.

"Oh, it's nice," Aunt Cass says fondly as she looks down at the phone. She raises her eyes to him, smiling a little. "Do you want to see it?"

He hasn't seen any photographs of himself since the accident, and nobody's offered him a mirror. Tadashi considers it. He's wondered about his appearance - tried to put a picture together in his head during quieter moments. Aunt Cass seems to think it's okay. He has to use both hands to hold the phone steadily enough to see.

On one side of the photo Hiro smiles widely, hair wild and both hands stuffed into his blue hoodie. Tadashi focuses his attention on himself. It's strange to actually see the feeding tube and silicone sheets on part of his jaw and neck, and the fresh bandage over the trach site. The skin over his cheeks seems patchy and discolored, and he realizes that he's lost weight: he looks tired and disheveled. The hat isn't doing much for him this time.

"Delete it," he tells Aunt Cass in his quavery voice, handing back the phone. He doesn't give her time to protest or reassure him. Instead he tries to smooth out the wrinkles in the hospital gown in preparation for a re-take. "I wasn't smiling."

* * *

><p>Honey Lemon hears her phone chime and she hurries to pick it up. "Look!" she chirps, holding it up to show everyone something. "Hiro sent a photo! He says Tadashi says hi!"<p>

"Hey, it's both of them!" Fred exclaims.

Wasabi leans forward to see and sure enough, there's a picture of Hiro and Tadashi. Hiro looks psyched, leaning into the photo with a smile that's almost too big for his face. Next to him, Tadashi's face is shadowed by his hat - but Wasabi can still make out the tube taped to the left side of his face and the bandage on his neck. He's smiling placidly, the usual old Tadashi-photo-smile.

"That thing in his nose is the feeding tube, right?" GoGo asks, looking to Wasabi for confirmation.

"Yeah, pretty sure," Wasabi nods, feeling his own phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulls it out - Hiro has sent him the same photo, but it comes with a different message: _wanna visit? t says bring bathrobe & hair scissors_.


	9. Chapter 9

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 9**

A/N: Thanks again for reading!

* * *

><p>Wasabi double-checks the floor and room number in Hiro's message and gets on the elevator. He doesn't really like hospitals, but Hiro says Tadashi asked for him specifically. They must figure he's safe, that he won't say anything he's not supposed to.<p>

He feels not just unnerved, but slightly guilty going without the others - he'd even called Hiro to make sure he didn't mean a visit from all of them. _Yeah, just you_, Hiro had replied. _Tell everybody sorry. He says sorry; he's tired. _

That seemed to placate everyone, though Honey Lemon still looked disappointed, at least until he told her to go buy Tadashi a bathrobe. _We're his best friends_, Fred was quick to point out. _He's gonna wanna see all of us soon! _GoGo just continued to chew her gum, pausing long enough to tell him not to give Tadashi a bad haircut.

Wasabi gets to the burn and trauma center and the place is sectioned off with glass double-doors and a nurses station that sweeps across one side. The antiseptic smell that permeates the hospital is even stronger here and he finds himself slowing down as he passes one room after another. He finally gets to 08-14 and the blinds on the window are closed. There's no name posted outside the door - what if they've moved him and this isn't the right place?

"Who are you here to see?" one of the nurses asks, giving him a look that says she doesn't think much of the fact that he's standing around in her hallway. When Wasabi tells her Tadashi, she jerks her head towards the door. "You can go in; he's awake."

He hits the automatic button for the door with his elbow. It slides open and the room is overly warm - the place must be cranked up to almost eighty degrees. But there he is - Tadashi Hamada - in the flesh. Alive. It's surreal - one of his best friends is practically back from the dead, and he comes bringing hair clippers.

"Hey, Wasabi," Tadashi greets him from the bed. He's in rough shape, but it's definitely him: he even extends one arm like he's waiting to exchange pats on the back.

"Hey," Wasabi answers back, but he draws up short, not sure if it's actually okay. "Hiro said you just had surgery on your back." He can actually see the white bandage under Tadashi's hospital clothes, wrapped over the shoulder of the arm he's not using.

"You're good," Tadashi assures him, still waiting. The words lack enough lightheartedness to put Wasabi completely at ease, but he rests his hand on Tadashi's shoulder briefly, feels his friend's fingers against his own. The waves of relief finally hit: he's got his best friend again. Fred's always good for a laugh, and the girls are excellent people, but Tadashi was always the dependable one, the glue. It's a role that maybe they've tried to get Hiro to fill, but you can't talk questioning your major or parental expectations or girls with a fourteen year-old kid. He knows how big a role Tadashi fills, because for a long time it was empty.

Man, it's great to have him back.

* * *

><p>Hiro gets back from a coffee run with Aunt Cass and Wasabi's there, talking with Tadashi about laundry or something.<p>

"Did you bring the scissors?" Hiro demands. That's what they've asked Wasabi over here to do, really. Hiro's not even really sure if Wasabi knows how to cut hair, but he's good at slicing up other things. Not to mention he's the most detail-oriented, picky person _ever_. Seriously, if Wasabi can prune a tomato plant, then he can probably trim Tadashi's disaster do.

Their friend is quick to argue otherwise: "In case you haven't noticed, I don't actually cut my hair much," Wasabi warns them while Aunt Cass tucks a towel around Tadashi's shoulders. "Not to mention, your hair and my hair are significantly different."

"Just do whatever you can," Aunt Cass tells him. She lays more towels over the bed. "It needs help."

"Desperately," Hiro adds emphatically. Can Wasabi not see this? According to the nurses, Tadashi burned off some of his hair and they shaved the rest to make it easier to treat minor burns on part of his head. The thought still makes Hiro uneasy. It's grown back, but not very evenly - it will be better when it looks better.

"You're sure the nurse said this was okay?" Wasabi asks one final time, looking hard at Tadashi. "You're not going to get some nasty infection from hair being all over the place?"

"It's fine," Tadashi assures him, almost laughing. "I'm sure it will be good enough for in here."

"You cannot hold me responsible for anything," Wasabi throws out a disclaimer anyway. Hiro watches him buzz the back and sides of Tadashi's head with a big razor, switching to scissors to try to even out the front and top. They have to take a lot of breaks, since Tadashi can't really sit up or lean forward for very long. Eventually Wasabi steps back, setting the scissors down on the table. "I think that's as good as it's going to get."

It looks a million times better, even if it's shorter than Hiro ever remembers seeing it. Aunt Cass thinks so too, and she tells Wasabi so while she cleans up all the towels. "You're so good at this! If laser-whatsits don't work out, you can just cut hair for a living."

Yeah right. Wasabi working at Cost Cutters - what a joke. He'd probably be going around with a roll of masking tape, patting stray hair off people's clothes like he's doing to Tadashi's pillows now.

"Maybe if you cut people's hair with lasers," Hiro mulls. People would pay big money for that - especially people like Fred. He frowns at Wasabi. "Would that even work? Is it even be possible to make a laser that could cut hair without melting it?"

"Maybe in Fred's world," Wasabi comments, tearing off another piece of tape.

Hiro feels Tadashi nudge him a little bit with his toes. "He can test it out on you."

* * *

><p>"Remind me why we are here," GoGo demands. She's stranded in the middle of the men's floor at some ritzy department store with Fred and Honey Lemon, stuck between shelves of fancy boxed pajama sets and a vending machine full of Calvin Klein underpants. Fred should have one of those in his laundry room.<p>

"Ah, very Bruce Wayne, a la the Dark Knight," Mr. Recycled Panties himself comments while Honey Lemon looks through a rack of bathrobes. They're all hideous. GoGo reaches for the tag on one. Seriously, even the price tags are fancy.

"Who pays $200 for a bathrobe?!" she hisses, and Honey Lemon tries to shush her. That's more than she pays in _rent_. She's so done with this place. "I can just get one from my gym."

"They sell them?" Honey asks hopefully, dropping the sleeve of some paisley print atrocity.

GoGo just raises an eyebrow. "They have them," she finally says. They can be _acquired_, and she knows Tadashi probably won't care if the thing says "Core Fitness Club" across the back.

Honey frowns at her for a moment. "Maybe they have something else," she finally announces, apparently not caring for GoGo's offer. She heads towards the service desk, heels clicking on the polished flooring. "I'm going to go ask."

"Does she ever stop?" GoGo asks, and then she remembers - she's asking Fred...who is trying on the paisley horror piece in front of a full-length mirror. Ugh, they're probably going to make him buy that thing just for contaminating it. And knowing Fred, he's probably carrying a grand total of three dollars in his wallet...which is probably made of neon velcro.

"Smooth, like a tiger." He slides his hands down the maroon lapels, giving his reflection some half-lidded expression which looks more drugged than sauve. "Like a sleek baby tiger."

* * *

><p>It's late when GoGo parks her bike outside the hospital. She grabs Honey's shopping bag and heads in through the main entrance, where they're already turning off the lobby lights. She follows all the signs to the burn unit, but the double doors won't open when she bangs on the automatic pad. The place looks shut-down already, and she can hardly make out the nurses' station in the dim light.<p>

Eventually one of the nurses at the desk notices her and she comes hurrying to the doors, pushing one open from the inside. "Sorry, the unit is closed to visitors after 9 pm," she says, and she actually does sound kind of sorry. GoGo wonders if Tadashi is actually asleep already - that nerd used to stay at the lab until 1 or 2 am on a regular basis.

"I just came to drop this off," she tells the nurse, holding out the fancy bag. She tells her who it's for, then gets ready to head back to the elevator.

The nurse takes a quick glance down the hall, pressing her lips together. "He just finished a bandage change," she tells GoGo. "You can come and say hi really quick. Really quick, like in and out."

GoGo peers down that hall, at the nurses moving in and out of rooms and one lone patient slowly walking with an IV pole. If Tadashi just finished getting his bandages changed, then he's probably still in pain. Hiro talks about him being tired all the time, and he looked wiped in today's photo. She holds the bag out to the nurse again. "I'll visit later."

By the time she gets to her bike, her whole body feels heavy. Honey Lemon would have jumped at that chance. Is she a bad person for not going? She takes a deep breath, pulling on her helmet. She's not even entirely sure why she said no.

Hiro says Tadashi was sick for two days after his surgery. He says he's still not standing up or getting out of bed. He says they still kick him out of the room whenever they change the bandages.

And all that floats into her head is the mental image of him leaning against the counter-top near her work space, before everything, yammering on about _do you want me to grab you a coffee?_ or _how's the bike? _or _would you believe my brother? _It's the same image that haunted her for weeks after they thought he'd died, every time she set foot into the lab.

The cool air feels good when she's back out on the road. Yeah, they have Tadashi back, but what does that mean? _Get better, you dumb nerd_, she thinks, pushing the bike harder. _Woman up. Get better._

* * *

><p>Cass hurries to the elevator and hits the up button. It's been a whirlwind morning already, and she mentally checks off the different things on her to-do list:<p>

_stock dessert case, send supply order_ - check

_open cafe, leave Lacey in charge_ - check

_Hiro at school_ - check...hopefully

_grab grey headphones and breakfast_ - check

_meeting with nurse and psychologist_ - working on it

She gets off the elevator and speed walks down the hall. She's got...five or six minutes. She ducks into Tadashi's room to check on him and he's actually out of bed, sitting up in a chair with his feet up.

"You look so good!" she can't help exclaiming. It's the combination of so many little things: Wasabi's haircut, the bandage instead of the trach, the fact that he's actually wearing a bathrobe and sitting up. She walks over for a morning hug, then sets the headphones and a plastic container on his table. "I brought you breakfast, okay? I'm going to go to that meeting and then I'll come right back and help if you still need help."

"Thanks, but..." Tadashi starts to say, except there's really no time to argue with him.

"We can talk about it when I get back," Cass tells him, hurrying to the door. She's probably late already. Oh, these medical people probably already think she's a mess… She books it to the conference room, way too familiar with that room where more and more of her time seems sucked up by doctors and nurses and therapists. At least they have coffee...bad coffee, but the creamer's flavored.

Sure enough, the psychologist is already there. He mentions seeing Tadashi several times, but apparently her nephew hasn't said very much. "He's got a very resilient personality," the old guy comments. He mentions _good support system_ and _positive coping mechanisms_.

The nurse chimes in that Tadashi sleeps well most nights (..._he's still on a lot of medication_…), is cooperative during cares and therapy (_he says he wants to get out of here_), and seems to engage well with visitors and staff (_we didn't know we'd like him this much when he was unconscious_..._haha_…). Cass holds her disgusting coffee and relaxes a little. Overall, they're really pleased with how well he's doing. They feel he's asking appropriate questions about his injuries, treatment, and mistaken death. Both acknowledge that some frustration, anger, or withdrawal is expected, but Tadashi seems to be riding everything out fairly smoothly.

But then they talk about when to tell him the rest: everything about Kreitech and Callaghan and his little brother's brilliant but unfortunate microbots.

Oh, if only they never had to tell him. It weighs on Cass already, especially when she thinks again of how well he's doing. Unfortunately, it's time sensitive information: they can really only limit his exposure to TV and internet for so long, and he's aware and intelligent. Waiting too long might upset him more.

"I think we can let it come up in a conversation naturally. It will probably happen soon," the psychologist says. He looks between Cass and the nurse. "Give me a call if you need me to come up."

* * *

><p>Tadashi watches his aunt hurry off. She's been handling everything for him: meetings with the medical team, phone calls to the insurance company and police station, reading over all his consent forms with him. Part of him is immensely thankful, but another part is unsettled about it - he's a legal adult, so shouldn't he be doing this?<p>

_Your job is to get better_, she keeps telling him, even when she's taking phone calls from her staff or rushing off to take over at the café. _It's a big job._

It is a big job. A painful, exhausting, humiliating job. It was so stupid to run into that building, so spur of the moment. What did he even think he was going to do?

Well, help Professor Callaghan of course. Tadashi sighs, sliding his feet back and forth to try to ease the stiffness in his legs. How_ is_ Professor Callaghan? His eyes shoot to the get well poster taped on the wall - he's never taken a close look at it. Did Callaghan sign it? He'll have to ask Aunt Cass to let him read over everyone's messages.

His mind drifts to Aunt Cass again and he glances at her container - she's brought him food, even though she knows they feed him breakfast long before she can get to the hospital. How does she do all of it? He used to have plans for making it up to her when he was a kid: he and Hiro were going to go to college and get the best jobs, get rich, then buy her a convertible and take her to Hawaii.

_I'll settle for San Diego and nobody crashing the vehicle I do have_, she'd said once.

She really deserves Hawaii after this.


	10. Chapter 10

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 9**

A/N: Over 200 follows?! Seriously, there's that many people who want to read this stuff? Why?

Thanks for the continued follows, favs, and reviews. I do appreciate them!

On another note - I fully intended to write about Callaghan in this chapter, but this happened instead. More hard times ahead, I guess. :(

* * *

><p>Honey Lemon sits in her lecture hall, listening to the professor drone on about the state of nuclear reactors in Eastern Europe. Normally she'd be interested, but today she just wants to hurry off to the lab. Nobody was there this morning - in particular, Wasabi and Hiro weren't there, which means no update on Tadashi.<p>

The class finishes and she shoves her notes and phone into her bag, making a quick detour through the food court on her way to the laboratory building. Wasabi is on the phone when she gets there, so she gives him a little wave while she waits for him to finish.

"How's Tadashi?" she asks as soon as he hangs up.

"He's good," Wasabi answers haltingly. He slides his phone into its designated spot. "I mean, for someone who's been through what he's been through, I'd say he's doing really good."

"You can probably go see him yourself," Hiro mentions when he turns up, as though it's not even a big deal. He walks over and starts looking through his paper bag lunch, digging around for something at the bottom while he gives Honey a serious look. "Just be careful what you talk about."

"Really?" Honey grabs him arm in her excitement. They've been so careful about allowing Tadashi visitors that it's almost unreal that it's suddenly okay. "Now?"

"I guess…?" Hiro shrugs. He tries peeling the plastic wrap off a sandwich even while Honey still has her fingers around his arm. "I mean, he does therapy and stuff, but…"

"I can go now," Honey tells Hiro. "Do you want to come with?"

Hiro swallows a bite of sandwich and rolls his eyes. "Of course I want to, but I'm supposed to be a good kid and not upset him by skipping classes."

Class seems insignificant in the face of seeing their friend for the first time in months though, and Honey finds herself following a nurse to Tadashi's room less than an hour later. Excitement courses through her veins. "I haven't seen him in so, so long," she tells the nurse, hands gripping the strap of her bag.

"Hang on just a second; let me make sure he's up," the nurse says, apparently unfazed by the fact that she's stalling the happiest reunion of Honey's life. She ducks into a room and pulls the door shut. The blinds on the window are closed, and the nurse is gone for several minutes. Honey stands awkwardly in the hallway: is Tadashi asleep? Has she come at a bad time? She didn't even think to call ahead...

The nurse reappears at the door, rubbing her hands with antibacterial gel. "You can go in, but his surgeon is supposed to be here in a few minutes, so you might have to keep it short." She reaches over and opens the blinds: Honey can see Tadashi wave a little from the bed.

A short visit is better than no visit at all. "Tadashi!" Honey exclaims, unable to keep herself from descending on him. She's already kissed both his cheeks before she even gets a good look at him - Tadashi has pushed himself back into the pillows slightly: it didn't hurt, did it? Wait. Maybe it was just the kisses? She can't remember if she's done that to him before. Aww, Tadashi. She almost points out that it's just natural after a long absence, but then she notices the robe she sent.

"Oh, I knew blue was a good color for you!" she exclaims, pleased. The deep indigo pattern is a nice contrast to the muted hospital linens. Honey grins. "100% viscose from bamboo. It's nice, right?"

"It's nice," Tadashi agrees, nodding. His voice is muted, but he seems relaxed now.

"Do you know how they make it? It's not very environmentally-friendly, but I have some ideas..." Honey drops into the chair near the bed, setting down her purse. Wasabi is right - Tadashi does look pretty good, especially when you consider that everyone thought he was, well...gone forever. Honey catches her smile softening. "It's really wonderful having you back," she muses aloud.

The hint of smile pulls at Tadashi's mouth. "That's what I've been hearing," he says, right before his eyes suddenly dart to the door. He raises one hand in greeting. "Hey, Dr. Ong."

A man in blue surgical scrubs crosses the room, folding his arms over his chest when he gets close. "Friend?" the doctor asks, looking at Honey.

Tadashi nods, glancing between the doctor and Honey. "Honey Lemon, this is my plastic surgeon."

It's strange to think of Tadashi having plastic surgery, but the surgeon is already pulling an extra tray table close to the bed. "I told him I don't do nose jobs," Dr. Ong says, grinning at Honey before addressing Tadashi. "I need to get a quick look at that new graft. Sorry I wasn't here earlier this morning."

Tadashi shrugs slightly and starts pushing himself up from the bed and Honey realizes - the doctor is going to change a bandage. Hiro doesn't even stay for bandage changes.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asks, already preparing to get out of her chair. The nurse warned her that it might be a very short visit.

"No, it's okay," Tadashi answers dismissively, shaking his head and leaning forward a little. "He's just going to look at my back."

That doesn't sound so bad. Honey stays in her chair while the doctor sets up supplies on the extra table and the nurse helps Tadashi out of his bathrobe. Nothing really unnerves her until the nurse unties Tadashi's hospital gown, pushing it over his shoulders a little and leaving his back exposed. Honey can't remember ever seeing his back before. Tadashi normally wears a lot of clothes. Now he just has a lot of bandages: one covers his right shoulder and there's another spanning his lower back. She catches sight of uneven red scarring in places and immediately looks away. It feels wrong to look. She shouldn't be here, even if Tadashi said it was okay. She pulls her bag onto her lap, searching inside for something, anything. Her hand touches mascara, her phone, a notebook...Notes! Notes are good.

"What are you working on?" Tadashi asks. His voice is strained, and Honey Lemon glances up to see him bracing his elbows on his table while the doctor starts to remove the bandage on his shoulder.

"Uh...just some stuff for my anthropology class. I still have a few general credits to finish." Honey tries to keep her voice bright, and she flashes Tadashi a forced smile. If she's going to be in here, then she should distract him, right? Unfortunately, her mind isn't giving her much besides _How bad is this? _and _How painful is it?_ "We're looking at some studies that they did about illiteracy and isolated people groups..."

"I think I took that class with Wasabi last year," Tadashi responds, pausing for a moment while the doctor peels up a section of the bandage. He focuses his attention on her. "How many weeks into the semester are you?"

"We're about halfway through."

"Oh." Tadashi says, slightly surprised. He raises his eyebrows at her. "Wow. It doesn't feel that long."

"It felt long to us." Honey manages to laugh a little, but the doctor chooses that moment to lift off the bandage. The skin underneath is red and bloody, covered in what looks like smooth white netting. Can it even be considered skin? How is Tadashi still holding a conversation with something as painful as that? The nurse snaps a photograph. _Selfie!_ Honey Lemon automatically thinks. She feels a little bit sick.

It's probably only a few more minutes before everything is covered up again. The ease she felt early in the visit is gone though - she knows what's under those bandages now. It was one thing to hear about Tadashi's condition, but seeing it for herself is different.

Before she leaves, she notices her Hello Kitty balloon in the corner. The helium is failing, and the balloon looks sluggish, pushed easily by the air vent in the room. The Mylar crinkles and she can't make out her get well message on the back anymore.

It looks the way she feels.

"I'll get this refilled for you," she tells Tadashi, stepping over to untangle the balloon from several others. It needs to be bright and happy again. It needs to keep cheering him up.

When she brings it to the hospital gift shop though, the girl just frowns at her. "We don't do that here," she says.

* * *

><p>Tadashi watches Honey Lemon leave. It's been nice seeing her, but it's also brought up the reality of school - he's briefly thought of college before, but it's only today that it hits him that he's missed a huge chunk of it - a chunk huge enough to set him back. Where are things even at with school? Nobody's told him. His professors obviously know that he's hospitalized - several have sent cards.<p>

"You're taking this semester off," Aunt Cass says firmly when he mentions it to her. He gets ready to protest, but she seems ready for it. Her eyes look sad even while her voice is resolute. "Just use this semester to get better, and then you can go back when you're ready."

"Some of the classes aren't offered until next year," Tadashi points out, even while he knows it's next to impossible to make up the lost work. He's missed more than half of it, including midterms. It's sickening: this has the potential to set him back more than just a semester. He's not going to be ready for summer internships...not going to graduate on time… He's never, _never_ fallen behind before.

And what about his scholarship?! Does he even still have his scholarship? He's supposed to be enrolled full-time to qualify. Wait...wait...did they terminate his scholarship when they thought he'd died? Has it been granted to someone else already?

"Did I lose my scholarship?" he asks Aunt Cass. This is important, but she probably doesn't even know - he's done almost all of his university paperwork and applications himself. Paying for college has mainly been his responsibility. He needs that scholarship, especially since there's medical bills...his bare bones student insurance policy probably isn't going to cover all of this… "Hiro's in college now too…"

"Don't worry about school. It's fine," Aunt Cass tries to reassure him. She pats his knee through all the blankets. "Hiro has a grant. They gave you medical leave. You just have to fill out a form or something when you're ready to go back. There's a letter somewhere."

Don't worry about school. Don't worry about insurance or fixing official documents or work. Don't worry about Hiro.

All the reassurances are supposed to help, and they do, sort of, but they also send a message that he doesn't like: _You're not a student right now. You're not responsible for anyone or anything. Your normal life is on pause. You're too sick to do anything besides getting better. _

It's partly true. It almost makes him ill, thinking about missing an entire semester. Summer work is probably shot too.

"I'll send some emails," Tadashi decides.

Maybe life is on pause, but at least he can get it ready to re-start again.

* * *

><p>"Hiro, I need you to type some emails for me," Tadashi announces when Hiro comes to visit in the evening.<p>

Hiro drops down onto the edge of the bed and pulls the tray table closer. "I thought I set up the voice control for you," he says, already clicking through screens to make sure it's still enabled. Tadashi hasn't bothered with trying to undo all his modifications to the laptop yet. Maybe the mic is broken or something...

"You did," Tadashi answers. "But it's probably the least sensitive version of voice control on the planet." He watches as Hiro closes out of the settings panel. "Maybe you should use your big brain to make a neurotransmitter for the keyboard."

"Maybe later," Hiro says dismissively. It probably wouldn't be that hard to do, but it seems like a big investment for something that will only be able to do one thing. Besides, his brother should be able to type again soon enough. He follows Tadashi's instructions to log into his student account, which has finally been re-enabled, even if it isn't entirely repopulated yet. Tadashi helps him hunt out the replies from all the companies he applied to for summer internships. A lot of these people are really interested in interviewing Tadashi, or they were about ten weeks ago.

Tadashi makes him reply to every single one.

_Dear Mr./Ms. -_

_Thank you for considering me as a potential internship candidate. I apologize for the delay in my reply. I regret to inform you that I must withdraw my application for medical reasons…_

_...I hope to reapply in the future, and would appreciate your renewed consideration at that time..._

They reach a particular email and Tadashi sighs heavily. "I could have had Biotech," he says longingly, and Hiro knows he must have really wanted that one. Tadashi never said anything about it before: his brother never said much about his internship applications at all. He was probably working on the applications the same time Hiro was getting ready for the showcase.

"Do you want me to copy and paste again?" Hiro asks, but Tadashi has his eyes closed.

"Let's do that one later," Tadashi answers, giving Hiro a weak smile. Something about his eyes looks strange. "I'm really tired."

They're wet, Hiro realizes. "Okay," he agrees meekly, closing the laptop. What's he supposed to do? Tadashi usually only cries during the final games of baseball season, and that's more pathetic than upsetting. Or when Aunt Cass says things like _your mom and dad would be so proud of you, _but that's sort of okay. He didn't even cry when they told him they thought he was dead, so it's unnerving that maybe it's happening now, over a bunch of stupid internship emails.

_He_ has cried - not a lot, obviously, but it's happened. It usually means a hug from Baymax or someone else. Hiro looks at his brother for a moment: he's not sure whether a hug is the best approach at the moment or not.

"You wanna take a nap?" he finally asks. Tadashi's hasn't actually cried. Maybe he really is just tired.

"Yeah." Tadashi gives him another short-lived smile and shifts a little so that he's facing the wall. "Do me a favor and turn off the light, okay?"

Hiro flips the switches, then slips out of the room. Aunt Cass is getting off the elevator with a coffee, smiling and talking to one of the nurses.

"He's taking a nap," Hiro warns her when she gets closer to the room.

"Oh, okay." Aunt Cass nods, processing that. She peeks through the window. "You can still go in there. He sleeps through almost anything if he's tired enough."

Hiro hesitates. "I don't think he's asleep."

Something about the way he says it must tip Aunt Cass off, because she walks into the room. Through the window, Hiro can see her sitting down on the edge of the bed, resting one hand on Tadashi's shoulder while setting her coffee down with the other. They must say something to each other, because Aunt Cass leans down for just a moment before patting Tadashi's back and getting up again.

She wraps an arm around Hiro's shoulders when she comes back out, walking him towards the elevator. "We'll let him sleep," she says. "He's really tired."

Today tired means upset.

* * *

><p>Fred moseys into the lab, but Wasabi is nowhere to be seen, and Hiro's lab is already locked up. "How's my favorite Gnome Assassin?" he greets GoGo.<p>

"Do yourself a favor and never call me that again," she retorts. She's got a bicycle wheel in her hands, and Fred can't be 100% sure she's going to throw it into the recycling bin.

"'Kay, got the memo," he acknowledges, throwing up his hands in surrender. "Moving on."

He makes his way to Honey's work-space next, sliding onto a stool. His friend looks hard at work, gathering up various supplies. "Whatcha workin' on, my lovely Dr. Lemonstein? Balloon resuscitation?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Honey Lemon responds, nodding. She has a sad looking cat balloon spread out on the table. Fred watches as she shoves a straw into the end of the balloon, none too gently. Oh, the violation!

"I think you're killing the poor thing," Fred comments skeptically. He takes a swig of root beer, raising his eyebrows as Honey squishes all the remaining air out of the balloon with both forearms. "You know, maybe you should leave this rescue mission to Baymax. He's probably an expert in healing his own kind."

"I've got this," Honey assures him. She smacks the balloon repeatedly, then pulls out the straw before inserting a nozzle instead. Fred's not really sure how she does it, but she seems pretty satisfied with her ability to re-inflate the balloon with magical chemistry stuff. No big surprise there. The surprise is the absence of her usual giddiness when the balloon becomes fat and plump again.

Honey quietly ties a string around the end and lets the balloon bounce back up into the air. "It lives!" Fred exclaims, toasting her with his root beer. "Excellent work, doctor!"

"Can you take it to Tadashi tomorrow?" Honey asks tiredly, holding it out to him.

"Sure thing," Fred agrees, taking the balloon and sliding off the stool. "I gotta make sure that guy is still aligned with the forces of good anyway. Major accident, you know. Messes with people."

Honey gives him sort of a lopsided smile, using one hand to push up her glasses. She laughs a little. "I think he's still good, Freddy."

"I'll make sure," Fred assures her, pleased to see her happier at least. He heads to his chair, balloon in tow. _Still good_. In his English-y English class, they've talked about phrases that can mean more than one thing. He'll confirm that Tadashi is still good - you know, not on the path to becoming some super villain. But he'll also try to make sure Tadashi is still the optimistic, new angle guy they all know - the other still good.


	11. Chapter 11

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 11**

A/N: Thanks as always to all of you who read. I especially want to thank those who reviewed the last chapter - thank you so much for taking the time to write such kind things!

A couple people have mentioned the level of medical detail - I have a background in nursing & worked in a hospital for a few years. I haven't done burns, but there are a lot of good resources out there.

Warning: If you don't like bathroom stuff, you'll probably want to skip Tadashi's first section.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Auntie Cass," Fred speaks into the phone. He flops across his chair, feet dangling over one armrest. "When's a good time for me to come say hi?"<p>

"Maybe lunchtime?" Tadashi's aunt suggests. He can hear the two of them discussing it before her voice comes through again. "Yeah, lunchtime would be good. He wants to know if you can pick up a chocolate shake." There's a sudden pause and then, "_Sorry_: apparently it has to be a _Wendy's frosty_."

In the background, Fred can hear Tadashi protesting that he's not that picky, he could just really, really go for a chocolate frosty from Wendy's.

"Leave it to me," Fred replies confidently. It's 10 AM already, so he rolls out of his chair to get things moving. On his way out of the lab he saunters past GoGo. "Hey Princess."

GoGo lets out a sigh that _might_ be irritated, but then she just looks him up and down. "Where are you going in that thing?"

"To the hospital," Fred responds, patting the belly of his mascot suit. "Got some major cheering-upping to do." He pulls on the string of Honey Lemon's balloon, making it bounce over his head. "Not sure this kitty's got it covered."

"You cannot wear a costume to that place," GoGo states flatly. "Have you ever been there? It's all sterile! You'll be lucky if they don't make you take a chemical bath before letting you go see him."

"Huh," Fred nods, processing this. He's dressed up for volunteer visits to the pediatric floor before, but maybe GoGo is right. He gives her a knowing smile. "Riiiiight. I'll scope it out first, get the down low. Civilian garb."

He's already put the suit away and headed for the main entrance when he hears GoGo call, "It won't kill you to put on a clean shirt!"

* * *

><p>Fred figures he's pretty good at visiting sick people. Of course, he's always been inside some costume or another before, and it's kind of different visiting people you know - but Fred is bound and determined to make sure the visit goes well.<p>

"Back from the dead!" he announces when he gets to Tadashi's room. He's ready to double-high-five his friend, but he realizes belatedly that Tadashi's got one arm in a plastic brace and the other in some fancy spandex sleeve. It's okay - he's adaptable. Single-high-five!

Nope...nope..._light_ double-high-five, since Tadashi manages to stretch out both hands. "I wasn't dead," he states grimly, but Fred catches a smile tugging at the side of his mouth. He looks pretty alive at the moment, sitting up in a chair with lunch in front of him.

_Ensure friend is not a zombie - check!_

"Close enough, dude," Fred points out anyway, giving Tadashi a big grin before returning to the mission at hand. He holds up a plastic bag and fishes out a paper cup wet with condensation. "One chocolate frosty, and…" he unties Honey's gift from the strap of his backpack, "...one cat balloon, re-inflated with mysterious and possibly volatile chemicals."

"Thanks," Tadashi says, picking up the spoon on his hospital meal tray. Lunch looks...suspicious. Is that tofu with gravy, or some kind of cream cheese loaf? "Can you get the lid?"

Fred's all in favor of dessert first, so he reaches over and pulls the plastic lid off the cup easily, then drops onto Tadashi's bed. The mattress is squishier than he would have expected. Not bad, hospital, not bad at all. Fred considers leaning back for a little test drive, you know, but he's got important stuff to do instead. "So," he addresses Tadashi. "I know you're recovering and all, but I think we need to have a serious conversation."

"About what?" Tadashi asks, one-handedly working his way through the soft serve. He sounds surprised, but unconcerned. This is a good sign, Fred decides.

Fred considers warming him up to the topic: so, how you been doing? Any uncharacteristic outbursts of anger and rage? Desires for revenge on humanity? Actually, maybe it's still a little early for that - there's still a lot of stuff Tadashi doesn't know. Fred sighs. It's kind of too bad they have to tell him at all.

He should still head things off though. Plant the seed, you know.

"I just want to make sure you know that this accident does not mean you need to become a super villain," Fred says firmly, and Tadashi looks at him in total confusion. Fred continues anyway. No stopping now. "You totally have nothing on Doctor Doom or any of those guys." For sure - Tadashi's face is not that messed up. His hands seem kind of iffy, but that's less concerning...

Tadashi swallows another bite of ice cream and then shakes his head. Is he laughing? Holding back laughter? "No super villains," he agrees, right before changing the subject. "Would you mind typing an email for me?"

"At your service," Fred answers, retrieving Tadashi's laptop. He'll let the super villain thing rest for now.

The problem is, Tadashi is so far out of touch with what's going on now that he wants to email Callaghan. Okaaaaaay. _Play along, Fred_, he instructs himself firmly, _Don't say anything! Your lips are sealed! _Fred opens up a new message box and starts typing Tadashi's dictation.

_Hi Prof Callaghan,_

_I'm sure you heard about my accident. Unfortunately I need to take this semester off to recover. Would you be willing to meet with me to talk about my options?_

_Thanks,_

_Tadashi Hamada _

_PS - I'm glad you're ok! _

Fred thinks about adding _P.S.S. You're a CRAZY DERANGED #$Q*$% !_, but he hits send instead.

If Callaghan still has any shreds of humanity left, Tadashi's innocent message should cut into him just the way it is.

* * *

><p>Fred. He should have expected something about comics or villains or something. Tadashi finishes his ice cream and debates eating any of the hospital lunch. If they want him eating <em>four thousand<em> calories a day, you'd think they'd make them look and smell a little more appetizing.

They've stopped the tube feeding during the daytime, which means he has something of an appetite - but unfortunately French fries and katsu curry and pizza - gosh, he could really, _really_ go for a slice of pizza - are still off the menu.

"You can have pizza when you convince the speech therapist you won't choke on it," the physical therapist tells him when he helps him get back into bed. Ken - that's his name, right? - keeps one hand firmly under his arm. "You can order enough for the whole unit. Keep your back straight, buddy!"

Tadashi grits his teeth and focuses on staying upright. They only make him stand long enough to pivot between the hospital bed and the chair, but even though they do it multiple times a day it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. They've started having him wear compression socks instead of wrapping his legs with elastic bandages, but they don't prevent the pins and needles and horrible throbbing aches he gets every time he stands up. His sense of balance is...well...pretty much nonexistent, and it still takes his head awhile to clear. Getting up shouldn't be this difficult.

At least the catheter is out.

"You know it goes back in if you can't go," Ken warns him when he mentions it. Tadashi isn't sure if he believes him 100%, but it's a big enough threat to convince him to drink a lot of water.

"What's wrong with you?" Hiro asks when he comes to visit in the evening.

"I need to pee," Tadashi tells him, not even caring because now he's desperate - the therapist was right. Apparently having a tube in your bladder for almost three months can mess things up, and they've given him an ultimatum of eight hours. The deadline is getting a little too close for comfort. "If you can't go, we'll just do a straight cath," the nurse told him earlier, trying to be reassuring. Of course the nurse is Amy - the young one obsessed with bowel movements. "In and out, pretty quick."

It doesn't matter if it's _in and out, pretty quick_, he doesn't want anyone coming at him with a catheter ever again. Everyone is incredibly...nice, but the humiliations of being sick never seem to end. It's bad enough that he has to sit in bed with a urinal stuffed under the sheets.

_Come on, come on, come on_, he thinks.

Nothing.

Aunt Cass rubs her hands over her face. "I really should have let you guys pee in those slushie cups," she laments, reminding Tadashi of their one childhood road trip to Disney. _Don't you dare pee in the car!_ he remembers her telling them. He even remembers the scary look she gave Hiro and him in the rearview mirror. _I'll pull over at the next gas station!_

"Did you go?" Amy asks hopefully when she comes back to his room.

He shakes his head.

"Maybe if you sit at the edge of the bed," she suggests, even though she knows that could be a project. She's not a very big person, but she manages to help him get his legs over the side of bed. The rush of blood to his feet hurts, but the need to avoid the straight cath dominates.

"Scoot forward," the nurse orders while he hangs onto the side-rail for support. She retrieves the plastic urinal but he stops her before she can do anything with it.

"I can't go with you in here," he tells her.

A few minutes of protesting later, Aunt Cass sits next to him on the bed, blindly holding the urinal under his hospital gown. "I'm sorry, baby," she says. She kisses the side of his forehead. "Just try to relax. Think of a...a waterfall or something. Remember Splash Mountain? That was fun, right? Oh my gosh, Hiro looked like a little drowned rat."

Apparently Aunt Cass is re-living all her memories of Disneyland tonight.

"Yeah," Tadashi grates, but Disney isn't really doing it. He's just praying that this works. Is there a god of basic bodily functions? There really, really should be.

The sound of pee unsteadily hitting plastic echoes through the room and Tadashi feels his body relax.

"Finally," he sighs in relief. Hallelujah.

* * *

><p>Cass leaves the room after the whole peeing-post-catheter debacle, telling the boys that now <em>she<em> needs to go. She doesn't. She heads for the visitor restroom anyway, locking herself in a stall.

This is so _hard_.

She pulls out a length of toilet tissue, pressing it to her face. She's so, so, so glad to have Tadashi back, but it's difficult to watch him struggle.

She blows her nose and drops the paper into the trashcan, then checks her reflection in the mirror. No tears. They're going to get through this. They're all together again: her and Hiro and Tadashi. Maybe they'll even laugh about this later.

She heads back to the room and the boys are honed in on Tadashi's computer already. The nurse must have stopped in, because Tadashi is back in bed and there's no sign of their recent adventure.

"What were you emailing him about?" she catches Hiro asking. He sounds annoyed, and Cass can see his eyebrows furrow as he stares at the laptop's screen.

"I just wanted to talk with him about re-planning my credit schedule," Tadashi answers, managing the mouse himself. "Fred must have typed in the wrong email address." He pauses, frowning. "This one should be right though…"

Cass steps around the bed to see what they're looking at - the email message reads: _Mailer-daemon : delivery status notification: failure to send to rcallaghan..._

No.

If talks about school and using a hospital urinal are this upsetting, there's no way they're ready to talk about Callaghan.

"Why don't you guys put that thing away?" she encourages her nephews, trying to give them a big smile. "We should be having a nice family visit!"

Tadashi raises his eyebrows, but he presses the laptop closed before looking at Hiro. "Can you bring my phone tomorrow?" he asks. "I'll just send him a message."

_Why, Tadashi?_ Cass thinks. _Why?_

* * *

><p><em>Seriously, Tadashi<em>, Hiro thinks, stomping up the stairs when he gets home. His older brother just had to go and email _Callaghan_, of all people.

He crosses into Tadashi's side of their bedroom. He knows where to find what he wants. Aunt Cass put the plastic bag inside a shoebox, stashing it in Tadashi's makeshift closet a long time ago.

Personal effects is what they call them, the things the hospital gave them when they thought Tadashi died. Hiro still doesn't understand how they could get this stuff, the things Tadashi had on him during the fire, and yet still get him confused with some other guy. He lets out a noisy sigh, irritated. Aunt Cass says they're fairly certain the mistake happened during Tadashi's arrival in the emergency room at San Fransokyo General Hospital - apparently the place was chaotic before the fire at SFIT even happened. There shouldn't be any kind of excuse getting people mixed up though!

Whatever. Hiro kneels on the floor and retrieves the box. The plastic bag inside is too big for the items it holds, and he has to unfold it several times to find the opening. It's surprisingly easy to go through it this time...he hasn't really had any huge desire to look at it before.

Tadashi's leather wallet is fairly intact, complete with normal and motorcycle driver's licenses and a re-issued campus ID, which has cracked in half. What a cheapskate, Tadashi...he was only carrying a grand total of about twenty bucks. The bills are pretty unaffected, but one sticks to a photograph that has partially melted from the heat.

The only other item is a badly damaged smartphone. The glass screen is shattered and separating from the rest of the components, and the protective case hardly fits around the body. Hiro wonders if the SIM card is salvageable or not - is Tadashi even still on their family phone plan, or did Aunt Cass cancel his line?

"I think you might need a new one," Hiro announces to his brother, holding the phone up in a ziplock bag the next time he visits.

Tadashi asks Hiro to find him a new phone.

* * *

><p>By the end of the week, Tadashi gets tired of waiting for a new phone. He should probably talk to Honey Lemon instead of Hiro, since his little brother seems to have his heart set on finding a good deal on an upgrade. The unresolved issues regarding school are still nagging at him - if he can simply figure out a plan and determine his new graduation date, maybe he can rest a little easier. To do that, he needs to talk to his advisor.<p>

Unfortunately, Professor Callaghan seems to be a touchy subject for Hiro. Tadashi takes a deep breath, glancing over at his younger brother. He and Wasabi are attempting to connect an xbox to the hospital TV. Tadashi wonders vaguely if the occupational therapist will count learning to use a video game controller as therapy.

"Hiro, has Professor Callaghan done any guest lectures in your classes?" he calls over.

"No," Hiro answers shortly.

Tadashi tries to give him a smile. "He's busy. You'll get plenty of opportunities to talk with him later on." Hiro looks up, irritable, but Tadashi cuts him off - he doesn't really want to hear how annoyed Hiro is that Callaghan gave him his acceptance letter personally and then hardly saw him afterwards. It took Tadashi more than a year to work his way high up enough to get Callaghan as an advisor. Apparently things aren't going to go very far with Hiro tonight. He turns his attention to Wasabi instead. "Could you do me a favor and ask him if he has time to come here? I'd really like to meet with him about reworking my plan."

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Hiro looking more agitated, though his younger brother is doing a good job of holding it in. Honestly, Hiro.

"Uh...he's not teaching this semester," Wasabi says uncomfortably, right before throwing a concerned look to Aunt Cass. Tadashi instantly knows something is wrong. But...Aunt Cass said that Professor Callaghan was okay. He remembers being fully alert when he asked her.

"Why isn't he teaching?" he asks, wary of the answer. Maybe he's just taking a leave of absence...he heard about an accident with his professor's daughter during break. But if it was that, why do all of them look so concerned right now?

Aunt Cass leans over so that she can place a hand on his knee. He doesn't really want her touching him at the moment, not if she's been hiding something important from him. "Remember when I told you that there were a lot of things you don't know?" she says gently, and he pulls his knee up, even though it hurts, so that she has to move her hand. Aunt Cass has never lied about anything important before. _I will always tell you the truth_, he remembers her saying once when he was a kid, though he can't remember what the conversation at the time was actually about.

"Yes," he answers, but to be honest he'd kind of forgotten about that. _We thought you died_ seems to be a big enough thing without adding in something else. When he looks across the room, Wasabi is in the middle of taking a deep breath, and Hiro looks more defeated than angry.

It can't be good.

Why didn't she tell him the truth? It would have been hard, but not as hard as this. Why did she ever tell him his professor was okay?

"Please, Tadashi," Aunt Cass says, trying to rest her hand on his arm this time. "Don't make this harder than it already is." He pulls his arm away slightly, looking up to see a fair amount of hurt and an equal amount of resolve in her eyes as she presses her fingers against his forearm again. Her next words aren't what he's expecting, but they still pack a punch. "Professor Callaghan is in jail."


	12. Chapter 12

**While You Were Gone, Chapter 12**

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day - have an early update. A entire chapter of angsty angst...just what you always wanted. :(

**Warning:** Things get pretty tough emotionally in this chapter, and you can expect to see persistent difficulties in upcoming chapters. You'll probably see mentions of anti-anxieties and antidepressants, but this story is _not_ a perfect example of how these medications should be used, or of how everyone approaches the use of these medications.

* * *

><p>It has to be a mistake.<p>

"For what?" Tadashi asks, glancing at each of them. His mind runs through everything he knows about Professor Callaghan, but he realizes that he honestly doesn't know very much about his professor's personal life. He...uh...drives a BMW and eats at Chili's once in a while? And maybe he said something once about hating to put up Christmas lights...What would Callaghan even do to end up in jail? Embezzle university funds? Drive drunk?

"He...um...attacked Mr. Krei. You know, Krei Tech Krei," Wasabi answers lamely.

"But Mr. Krei is okay," Aunt Cass quickly adds.

Tadashi quickly finds himself on a very slippery slope, where every one of his questions just leads to more and more disturbing information.

Apparently Professor Callaghan didn't just punch Krei in the street or something like that. He attacked him...and a multi-million dollar building...with microbots…

"Microbots?" Tadashi finds himself staring at the three of them now, his brain already overloaded with information. The pieces aren't fitting together very well. What...how...how does someone even attack a building with microbots? And where did he get them? He presses his eyes closed, trying to let the thoughts settle. Professor Callaghan wouldn't _really_ do that, would he?

"My microbots," Hiro forces out the words, and they're tinged with enough anger and regret and repulsion to jerk Tadashi back to the conversation.

"Your...what?" he looks hard at Hiro. His younger brother is sitting at the foot of the bed now, and his shoulders droop even as his eyes stay steady.

"My microbots," Hiro repeats. He doesn't sound proud of them any more, not at all, and that's far, far too real for Tadashi. The last thing he remembers about the tiny robots is Hiro's phenomenal presentation, of his younger brother passionately displaying them to the audience.

"But…" Tadashi starts to say, already trying to connect the dots. How would...Hiro had the microbots. Why would…

"He took them," Hiro supplies with a measure of frustration. Tadashi realizes that his younger brother is angry, but surprisingly calm at the same time. _Good job, Hiro_, he thinks vaguely in the midst of his confusion.

But Tadashi doesn't say the words out loud. Instead he only feels his brow furrow again. "When?" he asks.

This time Hiro stares at him, breathing in and out several times. There's something Hiro doesn't want to tell him. Tadashi doesn't even look to Aunt Cass or Wasabi - Hiro _will_ tell him. And he does, after taking one more deep breath.

"During the fire."

* * *

><p>All hell breaks loose...or at least it does inside Tadashi's brain.<p>

"The fire was an accident," he insists, not realizing until after he says it how much he wants that to be true. He was _there _- he was there before all of this. The alarms went off, Professor Callaghan was still inside…

Aunt Cass looks at him with sad eyes and he thinks she swallows once, hard. Wasabi is still hanging back a little, standing behind her chair. And Hiro shakes his head for what seems like a very long time. "It wasn't," he says. If there's a way to say something confidently and dejectedly at the same time, Hiro has figured it out.

_No_...maybe it was just a very, very convenient accident, or a mistake, or...or…

"It was _not_ an accident," Hiro seems intent on making sure he knows this. His voice is firm and surprisingly gentle but...but there's something else - that same _anger_ that's been below the surface through this entire conversation.

_Hiro blames Professor Callaghan_, Tadashi realizes, the two pieces snapping together in a way he knows he won't be able to undo. For...this. For him.

"Stop," he interrupts, knowing he needs time to make sense of this. He wants all of this to be one big mistake, a dream he'll wake up from as soon as something finally crosses the line into absolute impossibility. He presses his forehead against his left hand. "Stop...I…I need to think about this."

How can he make this line up? How does any of it line up with the Callaghan he knows? The Callaghan he ran in there to help? Is this - his injuries and the coma and all of the painful and difficult things he's had to endure and do - is all of this really Callaghan's fault?

_It was a mistake, just a stupid, stupid mistake..._

"He didn't know I was going in there," he forces out, looking up for confirmation.

Wasabi gets ready to say something, but Hiro's anger comes out full force this time, slapping him in the face harder than his little brother's hand ever could. "He didn't care that you died, Tadashi!"

_Wake up! _He's supposed to wake up, this is where the line between reality and unreality gets crossed...

Tadashi reels for a moment before fiercely arguing back. "That's not true. Don't talk nonsense, Hiro."

"I...someone asked him," Hiro insists, fists clenched. "He said…"

"Come on, Hiro," Wasabi interrupts quietly, having already moved towards the bed. His hand grips Hiro's shoulder and he pulls him back until he has to stand up. Wasabi tries to steer Hiro towards the door. "Come on, little man. Maybe you need a breather."

Hiro looks at Tadashi over his shoulder, sobered at being encouraged to leave. "Sorry…" he starts to say, but the apology is laced with hints of exasperation.

"What did he say, Hiro?" Tadashi asks before he can think better of it. Aunt Cass grips his arm, tries to encourage him to lie back in bed. Tadashi just leans further forward, staring at Hiro. "What did he say?"

Hiro shakes off Wasabi's hand, tears and anger fighting in his expression. He glances to Wasabi, and their friend just stares back, shaking his head slightly.

"Don't interfere, Wasabi," Tadashi threatens. He's not sure why he's decided he needs this information...maybe because he needs to know what's true and not true so badly. Hiro's resolve is crumbling though - he's already thinking twice about sharing whatever information he has. "Hiro! What did Professor Callaghan say? If it's about me, I think I deserve to know."

"He said it was your own fault that you died," Hiro reveals miserably, already trying to hide the tears welling in his eyes. "He said it was your mistake."

* * *

><p>Hiro doesn't want to tell Tadashi. He let himself get out of control - he never should have said anything about Callaghan and Tadashi's supposed death. He lets Tadashi force out the words, and then he goes back to his brother.<p>

Tadashi's hug is firm, and for a long time Hiro doesn't want to let him go. He's crying again..._crying is a natural response to pain_, but so _stupid_...and it's all Tadashi's fault - Callaghan's fault…!

Tadashi lifts his head and starts to edge out of the hug. Hiro realizes belatedly that he's been pressing one hand against the shoulder Tadashi had surgery on a week ago. His brother cringes just a little. "Sorry, Hiro...it hurts…"

It hurts a lot.

* * *

><p>Wasabi leaves first, when the conversation starts to die and the nurse comes in to ask if they need her to call someone.<p>

"Sorry," he tells Tadashi before he goes, taking a moment to squeeze Tadashi's good shoulder. "Call me if you need anything, okay? It's Friday, so it's not a big deal…"

"Thanks," Tadashi nods a little, but he just sounds numb and maybe even sad.

Outside, Wasabi sits in his van for a long time. Why's it so hard this time around? He was shocked about Callaghan too, but it was different learning with everyone else...and it wasn't quite so personal, not the way it has been for Hiro and Tadashi.

He starts the engine, glancing over his shoulder before edging out of his parking spot. It's Friday night. They were supposed to play xbox and order Chinese takeout.

Wasabi realizes with a start that he's stopped overlong and he shakes his head, shifting into drive.

He really wants takeout, and he doesn't even like it.

* * *

><p>They give Tadashi all the usual meds before bed. Normally they make him sleep within half an hour or so, but tonight his brain fights them. Antihistamines and pain meds vs an infinity of internal processing - it's a losing battle from the very beginning.<p>

Everything is amplified at night, when there are no people to distract him. He should have let Aunt Cass and Hiro stay - they were willing to, and even the nurse said it was okay, all things considered. _I'll be fine_, he'd told them, exhausted physically and mentally and emotionally. _We can talk more in the morning. _

The medication has dulled most of the pain and itching, but there's still a certain level of discomfort that makes it hard to sleep. It doesn't help that he can't lie flat with the tube feeding running. But even if he felt perfectly fine, would he be able to sleep?

If he can just make the pieces fit...but it's so tangled and jumbled that he isn't sure he's ever going to come up with any conclusions.

Callaghan started the fire. He's like this because of Callaghan.

But Callaghan was the best - the _best_. So many hours in lab and in Callaghan's office, going over code and hardware and sometimes just tossing around ideas. And not just that - there was encouragement. Challenge. Support.

But now there's this...but it wasn't intentional. It couldn't have been intentional. But it wasn't an accident either. _Why? _What would ever, ever possess someone to destroy so much?

He can almost understand the retaliation against Krei and his company. That...that he gets. It's unhinged, far too over the top, but pain for pain makes sense. Be in pain. Sue. Tear apart someone's reputation. Break things.

Not people.

Especially not people who have nothing to do with the situation.

_Not my family_, Tadashi thinks. Who steals from a fourteen year-old kid? He tries to shift onto his side, but that position doesn't feel any better. Nothing is helping. He whacks the pillow with his better hand. The next thought is the hardest, one he almost tries to block out because it feels so selfish and weak and...and...

_Not me_.

Everything hurts.

The Expo was supposed to be the best day.

_He said it was your own fault…!_

He hits the call button and the night nurse comes in not long after. "What's wrong?" she asks, already pulling pillows off the bed so that she can help him into a better position.

Everything. Not everything. A lot.

_Fix it!_ he remembers Aunt Cass yelling once, when the Kitchenaid mixer went haywire. He hurried downstairs and cake batter was flying everywhere, splattering the cupboards and everything on the countertop and especially Aunt Cass. He remembers goo flung on his face and hands in his effort to get closer to the machine. He couldn't fix it right away, so he turned it off.

That's what he wants the nurse to do now, when she walks into his life splattered everywhere. She can't fix it, so he asks her to turn everything off, at least until morning.

More Ativan.

* * *

><p>He wakes up hazy and still exhausted, but Tadashi's not sure if it's from all the medication or from a poor night of sleep. The room is still dim: nobody has come for vital signs or blood work yet. It's just him and his thoughts again.<p>

If he were at home, he'd go for a run. He thinks briefly of his neighborhood this early in the morning: cool air and subdued traffic, stray cats and boxes of recyclables out on the cracked pavement. He needs Hiro's ipod and the big hill, needs to feel completely wiped and out of breath. _You're not going for a run any time soon, genius_, he reminds himself bitterly. Stupid.

Stupid burns and body, stupid running into that building, stupid ever making such an idol out of Callaghan...

He shoves his tray table away from the bed. It doesn't have the decency to make a crash: instead it just rolls out of reach, the tissue box landing on the floor. Not even the water glass tips over - it's probably a good thing, since his laptop is next to it, but…

Who cares?

Seriously - who cares?

_So many people care..._ a part of his consciousness nudges him, but it feels so far away.

He draws in a deep breath and tries stretching out and hitting the mattress and rolling onto his side, but nothing brings relief - his mind just gains more and more speed as his body tires out.

Aunt Cass - he can call Aunt Cass. She'll be awake already, getting ready to start baking in the café's kitchen. She can put him on speakerphone. She won't mind.

_I know, I know_, she'll say - even though she doesn't actually know. _Let it go for now. Try to get some sleep._

That won't work.

He runs through the people he knows - he can't weigh Hiro down with this. Every friend is an option, they'll all pick up and come running - but all of them are going to try to make this better, and he's not sure if there's a way to do that right now.

He grabs the hospital phone from the side rail, dropping the receiver onto his lap so that he can slowly pick out a number. It's still ringing when he manages to get it to his ear.

"GoGo?"


End file.
